IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say that in the digital age, theatres and cinemas are no longer important as people can watch all the entertainment they want online. Others argue that theatres and cinemas are still important both economically and culturally. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
There is no denying the fact that in
this
Linking Words
 digital age, technology has improved significantly.
While
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 it is
commonly
Add an article
a commonly
show examples
 held belief that
theatres
Use synonyms
 and
cinemas
Use synonyms
 are less important as they can be watched online, there is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that these entertainments continue to play a vital role in an
economical
Replace the word
economic
 and cultural way. I believe watching them in person is no longer important
due to
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technology
Replace the word
technological
 improvements.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand,
people
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 spending their money is an unnecessary expense.
In other words
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, individuals can watch movies and live performances in their homes without needing to pay any dollar.
In addition
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,
people
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 can rewatch them more than once without
payments
Wrong verb form
paying
show examples
 each time of rewatching.
For example
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, many
people
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 prefer to spend their money on snacks rather than buying tickets for
theatres
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 or
cinemas
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.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, spending on
theatres
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 and
cinemas
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 has several benefits for the
country
Use synonyms
, not only for the person. In an in-person manner, spending on
entertainments
Check wording
entertainment
show examples
 in general lets
people
Use synonyms
 make new friends with the same interests and
also
Linking Words
 entertain them when they feel bored, but in a
country
Use synonyms
 manner, it will
rise
Verb problem
raise
show examples
 economic
stances
Check wording
status
show examples
 and
also
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 help to produce cultural movies that will affect
people
Use synonyms
 and boost their unconditional love for the
country
Use synonyms
.
For instance
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, a study
shown
Wrong verb form
apply
show examples
in Japan
that
Verb problem
showed that
show examples
 most of the economic growth,
preserve
Wrong verb form
preserving
show examples
 culture and
build
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
 relationships comes from
theatres
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 and
cinemas
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, there is no easy way to answer
this
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 question;
however
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, I tend to believe that these entertainments are important in terms of
Use synonyms
Add an article
a country
show examples
country
Check wording
country's
show examples
 growth or
people
Use synonyms
's relations.

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task response
Discuss both views in a more even way. The first main part says online watching is cheap, but it does not fully explain why this makes theatres and cinemas less important.
task response
Make your own view clear and keep it the same. The opening says going in person is no longer important, but the ending says these places are important. Choose one view and state it clearly in the opening and ending.
task response
Give fuller reasons for the cultural and money value of these places. For example, cinemas give work to many people, and theatres can keep local stories, music, and art alive.
task response
Use real and clear examples. The Japan study is too general and is not explained. You could give one clear example, such as a local theatre putting on a play about the area’s history.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear opening, two main parts, and an ending. This is a good base. Make each main part start with one clear idea, then explain it and give an example.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more clearly. Some lines are hard to follow, such as “in a country manner” and “rise economic stances.” Use simple links like “This helps the country because...” or “As a result, ...”
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main point in each paragraph. The second main part moves from making friends to feeling bored, money growth, culture, and love for the country. Split these ideas or focus on only two of them.
coherence and cohesion
Make the ending match the opinion in the opening. A strong ending should restate your final view and briefly say why.
task response
You address both online entertainment and the value of theatres and cinemas.
task response
You try to include examples and to explain both personal and country-level effects.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses a clear overall shape: opening, two main parts, and ending.
coherence and cohesion
Basic linking words, such as “On the one hand,” “On the other hand,” and “In conclusion,” help the reader follow the main direction.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • streaming platforms
  • on-demand entertainment
  • watch content at home
  • a wide range of choices
  • affordable subscription
  • convenience and flexibility
  • the shared viewing experience
  • a high-quality sound system
  • live performance
  • a sense of occasion
  • cultural heritage
  • support local artists
  • create employment opportunities
  • boost the local economy
  • attract tourists
  • nearby businesses
  • face financial pressure
  • complement rather than replace
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