Some people believe that it is a good idea to continue to work at their old age. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In the discourse of ageing and retirement, the question of whether or not
people
should retire and not dedicate themselves to work anymore when in old age has garnered widespread interest. One common perspective that many people
, myself included, approve that working in old age is an ideal idea, which is beneficial for both themselves and society.
Opponents of the elderly remaining in the labour force usually exacerbate their health issues and cite the fact that keeping working can affect negatively on
their health and it is time for them to slow down and take necessary steps to maintain their health after many years of working. Change preposition
apply
Moreover
, the old can complete tasks less effectively and productively compared to the young due to
issues relating to age, which can cause undesirable impacts on businesses. However
, this
thinking fails to factor in the fact that old people
obviously have acquired many experience years and senior skills , as a result
, they even may complete tasks according to
the rules more quickly and precisely than the young do.
What is more, replacing the old by recruiting new young employees requires a training program for beginners. That being the case, these programs can cost a fortune and consume a lot of time in order for new employees can meet businesses' needs. Meanwhile, it can be seen in many large corporations, almost experts and leaders who are senior and have many years of dedication to work have still persisted in working. The key rationale for this
is that in the absence of their contribution, valuable knowledge sources can be lost and unrecoverable. Considering these factors, the advocacy of old people
remaining in the labour force holds significant merit.
In conclusion, for the aforementioned reasons, the old persisting in working can come with several shortcomings, but the advantages they bring are far outweighed when considering the positive development for society overall
.Submitted by nttung.182 on
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task achievement
The essay provides a clear position on the topic, but to improve task achievement, make sure to fully develop your argument with equal attention to both sides of the issue if you are discussing a 'to what extent do you agree or disagree' prompt. Present a balanced view before stating your own opinion more thoroughly. Also, ensure that each paragraph directly addresses the question asked.
coherence cohesion
The logical flow of ideas is generally clear, but there are instances where greater clarity and better connection between ideas could enhance the essay's coherence. To improve cohesion, make effective use of a wider range of cohesive devices (linking words, referencing words, substitution, etc.) and ensure paragraphs are well-developed with clear central ideas. Avoid excessively complex sentence structures that may confuse the reader.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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