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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe that children should be encouraged to play team sports, while others feel that individual sports are more beneficial for their personal development Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
While
Linking Words
 many
people
Use synonyms
 feel that
youngsters
Use synonyms
 should be encouraged to play team
sports
Use synonyms
, others believe that individual
sports
Use synonyms
 are better for their personal growth. From my perspective, social
sports
Use synonyms
 are more beneficial for the child in order to enhance
his
Fix the agreement mistake
their
show examples
 personality.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, one major reason why communities think it is more beneficial for
children
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 to play individual
sports
Use synonyms
 is to develop their personal
skills
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. The main reason is that when
youngsters
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 focus more on playing individually without interacting with other
people
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, they will have the capability to focus more on their personal interests and achievements in order to develop their practical
skills
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.
For example
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, many households in Japan ensure that their kids are playing individually before interacting with other young
people
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 in order to enhance their personal
skills
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 and to make sure that they are following their preferences.
Consequently
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,
children
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 who are playing alone might be able to enhance their capabilities.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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. One primary reason why I think that it is better for young
people
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 to play team
sports
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 is to enhance their social
skills
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. When
youngsters
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 focus more on playing socially with other kids, they enhance their abilities and improve their social
skills
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 , which leads to cognitive development.
For example
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, many primary schools in London invest in creating and building activity programs to ensure that
children
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 are interacting with other young
people
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, and
this
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 measure encourages students to get involved with social experiences.
Therefore
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,
youngsters
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 who play in teams might be able to adapt more to their social environment , which leads to effective and efficient cognitive development.
Conclusion
While
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 some frequently argue that individual
sports
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 are beneficial for
children
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, I firmly believe that they have to get involved with social experiences to advance their primary
skills
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 that are definitely needed for their future.

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task response
You discuss both team and individual sports, and you give a clear view. To make your answer stronger, explain more fully how each kind of sport helps a child. For example, say that team sports can teach sharing, trust, and how to deal with losing, while individual sports can teach self-control and hard work.
task response
Your main view is clear, but some ideas are too broad. The link between team sports and brain growth is not fully shown. Explain the steps: children talk, plan, solve small problems with others, and then learn how to work with people.
task response
The examples about Japan and London sound possible, but they are not very clear or well developed. Give one simple, direct example of a child in a real sport, such as a child learning to share a plan in football or set goals in swimming.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part plan: an opening, one side, the other side, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make the first line of each body part state the main point in a more direct way.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “On the other hand” should end with a comma, not a full stop. Also, do not use too many links such as “in order to” and “which leads to”. Shorter sentences will make your meaning easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some words are repeated too often, such as “enhance”, “personal skills”, and “social skills”. Use simple changes: improve, build, learn, work with others, and make friends. This will make the writing flow better.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph a true ending. Restate your view and briefly sum up why team sports are better, rather than adding a new point about future skills.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you explain both views and clearly say that team sports are better in your view.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is easy to follow, with one body part for individual sports and one for team sports.
task response
You give reasons and examples in both body parts, which helps support your main ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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