IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many employees may work at home with modern technology. Some people claim that it benefits only the worker, but not the employers.

Advancement in technology has made it possible for humans to
work
Use synonyms
 at
home
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. There is a statement saying that working at
home
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 only benefits
employees
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, not their bosses. From my perspective, I disagree with
this
Linking Words
 idea because I believe employers can benefit from
this
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 trend. On the one hand,
workers
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 are thought to be the only ones who can take advantage of working at
home
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. Since
employees
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 do not have to travel a long way to
work
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, they can save a considerable amount of time spent commuting and waiting in traffic jams.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, money allocated to transport
such
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 as petrol, buses, and trains can be lessened, which reduces the financial burden on
workers
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.
Besides
Linking Words
, working at
home
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 provides
employees
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 with comfort and safety. They may not run the risk of
involving
Wrong verb form
being involved
show examples
 in an accident or suffering from bad weather conditions on the way to
work
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.
Therefore
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, there are various advantages for
workers
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 if they choose to
work
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 at
home
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, I argue not only can
employees
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 benefit from teleworking but
also
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 employers.
Firstly
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, allowing
workers
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 to
work
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 at their homes could be more financially efficient because entrepreneurs would not have to cover the cost of running offices
such
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 as renting and housekeeping staff costs.
Secondly
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,
workers
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 can concentrate on their business better if they are working in an ideal environment,
thus
Linking Words
 enhancing productivity.
Finally
Linking Words
, employers can make
workers
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 satisfied by letting them
work
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 at
home
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.
As a result
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,
employees
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 will
work
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 at their best and be loyal to their organizations. In conclusion, despite the idea pointing out that only
workers
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 can be advantaged from teleworking, I believe working at
home
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 is beneficial for
employees
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 and their bosses as a hold. Development in technology will always bring good things to humans.

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introduction conclusion present
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are both clearly presented. The conclusion was somewhat redundant and lacked a direct restatement of the thesis and the main arguments presented throughout the essay.
logical structure
Improve the logical flow between ideas by better organizing the essay structure, utilizing clearer topic sentences, and employing more effective linking words to enhance readability and coherence.
supported main points
Develop main points with more detailed explanations and richer, specific examples to effectively support your arguments, thereby providing a more compelling and persuasive case.
complete response
While the essay includes a response to the task, further expansion on the ideas and the integration of more varied examples would strengthen the task achievement significantly.
clear comprehensive ideas
Strive to express ideas more comprehensively by expanding on the specific benefits to employers, rather than just stating them. Explore the implications of these benefits in a business context to enrich the discussion.
relevant specific examples
Incorporate a broader range of specific and relevant examples to support your points. This helps to illustrate your arguments more vividly and lends additional credibility to your essay.
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