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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries, there is an increase in the proportion of ageing population. Some people think that old people over the age of sixty-five cannot contribute to our society any more. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Never has the topic concerning ageing failed to attract the public’s attention.
However
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, when it comes to
people
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 under retirement age (over 65 years old), some
people
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 claim that those seniors cannot continuously contribute to their communities. I tend to disagree with
this
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 opinion and believe that senior citizens can still be valuable members of our
society
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. It is understandable that some
people
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 hold the view that elder
people
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 are not conducive to
this
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 world.
To begin
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 with, when
people
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 are over the age of 65, the majority of them have already retired. Since they are less energetic and sometimes cannot bear severe living pressure, especially when they suffer from some diseases, the government need to shoulder the responsibility to support their lives, which will aggravate its financial burden. Apart from that, those elderly
people
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 are not likely to burst out with creative ideas, and because of
this
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, they can barely provide any solutions to current issues. Under
such
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 circumstances, they are not inclined to be engaged in the rapid development of
society
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.
However
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, the fact is that seniors over 65 years old can contribute to
society
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 in other ways. Elderly individuals can teach the young some traditional culture, thereby enhancing the young’s cultural identity. Chances are that if young
people
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 are always blind to the local culture, without the guidance of the elder, our cultural diversity is prone to vanish in the future.
Additionally
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. another way in which the public can benefit from a more active older generation is by inviting older employees to remain in work part-time. Older
people
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 may not want to or indeed be able to do a full day’s work;
however
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, their experience may continue to be invaluable to their employees. A good example of
this
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 can be seen in one scheme in many countries, where elder employees remained at work as mentors for young
people
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. In conclusion, I am against the view that seniors over the age of 65 cannot be contributing members of modern
society
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 anymore, since they can benefit
this
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 world in other aspects,
such
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 as promoting traditional culture and guiding young
people
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 in the workplace.

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Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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