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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Many people nowadays work from home using modern technology. Some people believe that this has more advantages, while others think that working in an office is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

3.5 / 9
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Introduction
In
todays
Correct your spelling
today's
 world, individuals are using digital technology for telecommuting. It is often argued that
this
Linking Words
 facility provides more benefits,
whereas
Linking Words
 others prefer working in
Use synonyms
office
Add an article
an office
show examples
 is more efficient. In
this
Linking Words
essay
Punctuation problem
essay,
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 I will elucidate both aspects, followed by my own opinion.
Body paragraph 1
There are numerous reasons why
work
Wrong verb form
working
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 from home offers several
advantageous
Replace the word
advantages
. One possible reason is
individuals
Correct word choice
that individuals
show examples
 can spend lots of time with their families.
This
Linking Words
 is because people are
enables
Replace the word
unable
 to take a quick break from work and spend more time with families.
As a result
Linking Words
, it may enhance their
overall
Linking Words
 productivity,
they
Correct word choice
and they
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 can choose a comfortable environment as well.
In addition
Linking Words
, commuters are
allowing
Wrong verb form
allowed
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 to save their travel costs. By working
remotely
Punctuation problem
remotely,
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 there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 no longer
needed
Replace the word
a need for
 extra money for
transportations
Check wording
transportation
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.
Therefore
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, citizens can accumulate
those
Fix the agreement mistake
that
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 money and spend
on
Correct pronoun usage
it on
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 their
others
Replace the word
other
 daily life expenses.
Body paragraph 2
Additionally
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, working in an
office
Use synonyms
 environment is more convenient
due to
Linking Words
 face-to-face communications. Because
this
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 not only assist for teamwork but
also
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aid
Correct subject-verb agreement
aids
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 with managing difficult tasks.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
office
Add an article
the office
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 provides
professional
Add an article
a professional
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 environment and fewer distractions. So that individuals can interact with their task
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 colleagues can discuss a project immediately
instead
Linking Words
 of arranging online meetings.
Therefore
Linking Words
, manager can directly supervise their employees. From my perspective, working in an
office
Use synonyms
in
Verb problem
is
show examples
 more beneficial, even though remote working plays a vital role.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
, I believe employees should attend
traditional
Add an article
a traditional
show examples
office
Use synonyms
,
although
Linking Words
 telecommuting has
lot
Add an article
a lot
show examples
 of
others
Correct word choice
other
show examples
 benefits.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view. Make your view more clear by saying why office work is better in the main part, not only near the end.
task response
Add one clear real-life example for each side. For example, a parent may save two hours of travel time, while a team may solve a hard problem faster in the same room.
task response
Develop each main idea more fully. Explain how time with family can help work, and why direct talks are better than online talks for some jobs.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. Keep one main idea in each paragraph and make the link between ideas more smooth.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Do not begin too many sentences with “Because”, “Therefore”, or “So that”. Join short ideas into one clear sentence when needed.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph match your view more strongly. State that office work is better because it helps team work, quick talks, and manager support.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you explain home work, office work, and your own view.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow. The opening tells the reader what will come, and the end gives a clear final view.
coherence and cohesion
You use useful links such as “In addition”, “Moreover”, “As a result”, and “To sum up” to show the order of your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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