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Writing Samples
Band 5

some people think it is better for children to grow up in the city,while,other thinks that life in the countryside is more suitable for them. discuss both views.

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Introduction
There are different voices about which is better for
children
Use synonyms
 to grow up in the
city
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 or the
countryside
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. In the following
essay
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essay,
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 I will compare the advantages and
disavantages
Correct your spelling
disadvantages
 of both.
Body paragraph 1
The main
benefactor
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benefit
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 of being raised in the
city
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 are enormonous resources for kids. There are parks with fun and various playing facilities, libraries with thousands of
childrens
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children's
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 books, and diverse
children
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-friendly restaurants
etc
Punctuation problem
, etc.
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,
not to mention
Linking Words
 large hospitals which are able to provide
higher
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a higher
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 level of health treatments.
Linking Words
Thus
Punctuation problem
Thus,
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children
Use synonyms
 can get many different inputs in the
city
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.
Body paragraph 2
In contrast
Linking Words
 to the above appealing factors, there are
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
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 resources in the
countryside
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.
Children
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 who live here are likely to have
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
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 experiences of visiting the above places, so life may not be so
richful
Correct your spelling
rich
 in
this
Linking Words
 perspective.
Body paragraph 3
Linking Words
However
Add a comma
However,
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 when it comes to natural environments and spatial surroundings to enjoy and play in,
countryside
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 life
beat
Correct subject-verb agreement
beats
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 the other option. Without the air pollutant which is common
is
Change preposition
in
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 cities, numerous stars shine apprantly in the
countryside
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 sky. The night in the
countryside
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 is so quiet that residents can hear bugs singing in the grass, an
expierence
Correct your spelling
experience
 hard to imagine for kids in the cities.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, with less traffic and spatial surroundings, kids are able to play anytime at their houses or in the
neighberhood
Correct your spelling
neighbourhood
.
Conclusion
There are both downsides and advantages for
children
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 to grow up in the
city
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 or
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countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
. As long as their caretakers are willing to educate , play and spend time with them, chances are
children
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 will have
wonderful
Add an article
a wonderful
show examples
 childhood.

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task response
You discuss both city and country life, and you give a clear final view. To make the answer stronger, explain more fully how each place may shape a child’s school life, friends, health, and daily life.
task response
Your city ideas are clear: parks, libraries, food places, and hospitals. Add one short real-life example for each side, such as a child joining a city club or helping on a country farm.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: city first, then country, then a final paragraph. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas can be smoother. For example, begin the country paragraph with a clear line such as: 'On the other hand, the countryside gives children a calmer and more natural place to grow up.'
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main point. The country paragraph does this well, but the city paragraph could group places for fun, learning, and health more clearly.
language clarity
Check word forms and spelling. For example, use 'benefit' not 'benefactor', 'disadvantages', 'children’s books', 'experiences', 'cities', and 'neighbourhood'.
language clarity
Use more natural phrases: 'fewer resources', 'a richer life', 'air pollution', and 'the countryside is better than the city for natural space'.
task response
You answer the main question by showing good points of both city and country life.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction tells the reader what you will do, and the final paragraph gives a clear ending.
ideas
The details about stars, quiet nights, grass, and less traffic make the country paragraph vivid and easy to understand.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • urban environment
  • diverse opportunities
  • cultural experiences
  • educational facilities
  • career prospects
  • convenient transportation
  • sense of community
  • natural beauty
  • clean air
  • peaceful atmosphere
  • close-knit community
  • limited resources
  • lack of cultural activities
  • lack of educational opportunities
  • traffic congestion
  • pollution
  • less social interaction
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