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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

All university undergraduate courses should include a period of time spent studying abroad or doing a work placement. Do you think the advantages of this would outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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Introduction
Many people believe that all
students
Use synonyms
 doing bachelor's degrees have to take some courses throughout
studying
Replace the word
their studies
 or practice works after graduation as part of
requirements
Add an article
the requirements
show examples
. In my opinion,
although
Linking Words
there's
Correct subject-verb agreement
there are
show examples
 some
benefits
Use synonyms
 of doing
this
Linking Words
but
Correct word choice
,
show examples
 I believe that
disadvantages
Add an article
the disadvantages
show examples
overcome
Verb problem
outweigh
show examples
 the advantages for
majority
Add an article
the majority
show examples
 of people.
Body paragraph 1
Firstly
Linking Words
, studying in foreign countries gives
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 opportunities in many aspects.
For instance
Linking Words
, going to
different
Add an article
a different
show examples
 country makes a student responsible for his own money, eats and residence
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
show examples
 him more independent.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it gives chances to practice what they study in different cultures and other communities
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
prongs
Verb problem
provides
show examples
 experience when they come back to
hometown
Correct determiner usage
their hometown
show examples
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they can practice what they
learn
Wrong verb form
learned
show examples
 there.
Lastly
Linking Words
, it
also
Linking Words
 helps them to develop language and make relationships with employees in the same fields
which
Punctuation problem
, which
show examples
 can
brings
Wrong verb form
bring
show examples
 future collaborations.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, there are many drawbacks that
cannot
Correct pronoun usage
we cannot
show examples
 ignore
them
Punctuation problem
,
show examples
 and we should
made
Verb problem
pay
show examples
 attention to.
Inspite
Correct your spelling
In spite
 of many
benefits
Use synonyms
 that can
end up with
Verb problem
result from it
show examples
,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
forcing
undergraduates
Correct word choice
undergraduate
show examples
students
Use synonyms
 to go to foreign countries and
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 it
as
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 mandatory course that
can't
Correct pronoun usage
they can't
show examples
 graduate without
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is unfair for most
students
Use synonyms
as
Punctuation problem
, as
show examples
 they are still studying and they can't afford
living
Wrong verb form
to live
show examples
 there for long periods of time.
Additionally
Linking Words
, some of them
supporting
Wrong verb form
support
show examples
 their family financially
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 they work
part time
Correct your spelling
part-time
besides
Linking Words
 learning. On top of that, they
still
Verb problem
are still
show examples
 young and they make wrong decisions about their future.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
Linking Words
Although
Fix capitalization
although
show examples
 studying and working
abroad's
Check wording
abroad
show examples
 brings a lot of
benefits
Use synonyms
 to
Use synonyms
students
Punctuation problem
students,
show examples
 we can't
ignored
Wrong verb form
ignore
show examples
 the fact that drawbacks may overcome the
benefits
Use synonyms
.

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task response
Give a clear answer in the first paragraph: say that the bad points are greater than the good points. Keep this same view in every paragraph.
task response
Talk about both parts of the topic: time abroad and work placement. Your essay mainly talks about going abroad, so add a full idea about work placement.
task response
Explain why each point matters. For example, say that a work placement can help students get a job, but it may be hard for students who need paid work to help their family.
task response
Use one real or clear made-up example. For example: a student with little money may not be able to pay for travel, rent, and food in another country.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end. Keep this plan, but make each body paragraph focus on one main point.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words in a more natural way. For example: “However”, “Also”, “For this reason”, and “As a result”. Do not put many links in one long sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Make the main idea of each paragraph clear in its first sentence. Then add two or three sentences that explain it, followed by an example.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because the grammar changes between “students”, “they”, and “him”. Use one form, such as “students” and “they”, all the way through.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last paragraph stronger by restating your view and giving the main reason. For example, say that these plans should be offered, but not forced, because cost and family needs are different for each student.
task response
You give a clear view that making study abroad or work abroad a must may not be fair for all students.
task response
You include useful points about money, family needs, language, and future work.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses a clear four-part form: opening, good points, bad points, and closing.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “Firstly”, “Moreover”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion” help show the order of your ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • study abroad
  • work placement
  • real-world experience
  • practical skills
  • academic knowledge
  • open-minded
  • independent
  • self-confidence
  • adapt to change
  • career chances
  • cultural understanding
  • language skills
  • financial cost
  • family responsibilities
  • compulsory
  • flexible choice
  • personal growth
  • hands-on learning
  • future employer
  • equal opportunity
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