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Band 5

An increasing number of people are now using the Internet to meet new people and socialize. Some people think this has brought people closer together, while others think people are becoming more isolated. Discuss both views and give your opinion. GiaLinh

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Introduction
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Internet
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The Internet
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 has become an integral part of
people
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's lives in terms of communication and social interaction
allowing
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, allowing
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 them to unite.
However
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,
this
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 idea is being contradicted by many claiming that
Use synonyms
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
 has led
people
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 to isolation.
This
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 essay will discuss both perspectives and provide evidence
why
Change preposition
for why
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 I support the view
of
Correct word choice
that
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 online connection bringing
people
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 together.
Body paragraph 1
One of the primary reasons why some individuals hold the view that
people
Use synonyms
 may feel alienated is mostly owing to the excessive and improper use of
Use synonyms
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
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ending
Punctuation problem
, ending
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 up causing overreliance on
virtual
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the virtual
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 world.
In other words
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,
people
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, particularly under the age of 20, have a tendency to doomscroll on social media,
such
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 as on Instagram or Facebook
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instead
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, instead
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 of setting up
connection
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connections
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 with
people
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 of diverse nationalities and cultures.
This
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 could
further
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 promote mutual understanding and hospitality among nations. As an example, normally, teenagers tend to spend more time scrolling reels or shorts, and post their own videos in the hope of gaining more attention in the form of likes and comments, rather than senior age groups.
This
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 notion is highly built on erroneous
assumption
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assumptions
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 that they will remain connected with the world, but indeed,
result
Correct subject-verb agreement
results
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 in being estranged.
Body paragraph 2
Conversely
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, there are a number of factors supporting why
people
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 can conjoin through the
Internet
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. One of them is its ease and convenience. With the advent of
Use synonyms
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
show examples
, communication among
people
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: friends or relatives
,
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apply
show examples
 has come to the point where parents are able to readily contact their children studying overseas, friends since childhood, residing in different parts of the globe,
keep
Correct word choice
and keep
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 in touch regardless of substantial distance. Online applications
such
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 as
Whatsapp
Capitalize the proper name
WhatsApp
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, Viber and Telegram have made it far more straightforward to instantly connect with anyone
anywhere
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, anywhere
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anytime
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, anytime
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.
Hence
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,
should
Correct word choice
if
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 proper
Internet
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 utilization be implemented,
people
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 will not reportedly feel cut off from the community but stay united
instead
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.
Conclusion
Despite the fact that
Use synonyms
Internet
Add an article
the Internet
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 may seem
as
Change preposition
like
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 a tool to isolate
people
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 from
community
Add an article
the community
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, it can actually serve as an expedient means of communication if
utilized
Change the spelling
utilised
show examples
 adeptly.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view, which answers the full question. To make your view stronger, explain more clearly why online contact brings people closer in real life, not only by making contact easy.
task response
Your first main point is clear: too much time online can make young people feel alone. However, the link between scrolling and being cut off needs one more step of explanation. For example, say that time spent on a phone can take the place of face-to-face time with family and friends.
task response
Use examples that directly support each point. The example about teenagers posting videos is useful, but it would be stronger if you showed how this can lead to less real talk or less time outside with others.
task response
Your final paragraph repeats your view, but it is very short. Add one clear final sentence that sums up both sides and says that the result depends on how people use the Internet.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, one side, the other side, and a final view. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main idea. In the first body paragraph, the sentence about meeting people from other countries does not fit well with the point about isolation. Move it to the paragraph about how the Internet can bring people together.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words to show the path of your ideas: “For example”, “As a result”, “On the other hand”, and “Therefore”. This will make the links between claims and examples clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences are hard to follow. Break them into two shorter sentences. For example, explain first that parents can contact children abroad, then explain that old friends can stay in touch across the world.
task response
You clearly cover the two views: online use can make people feel alone, but it can also help friends and family stay in touch.
task response
Your use of apps such as WhatsApp, Viber, and Telegram gives a clear real-world example for the positive side.
coherence and cohesion
The contrast word “Conversely” clearly tells the reader that you are moving to the other view.
coherence and cohesion
Your position is clear from the introduction and stays the same through the essay.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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