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Writing Samples
Band 8

Most nations want to hold international sporting competitions in their countries. However, some people think that there may be too many problems. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
Many countries compete to host major sporting
events
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,
while
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 others argue that the costs outweigh the benefits.
This
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 essay will discuss both views, but I believe that hosting
such
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events
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 is worthwhile if they are carefully planned.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, international tournaments can greatly boost a country’s economy. Millions of tourists spend money on hotels, restaurants and transport, which creates jobs for local people.
For example
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, the 2012 London Olympics regenerated a poor area of the city and left it with modern facilities.
In addition
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, athletes benefit from competing at home, as the support of the crowd gives them extra motivation.
Moreover
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, major
events
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 encourage governments to modernise infrastructure. Qatar,
for instance
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, built a new metro system for the 2022 World Cup, which residents still use every day.
Such
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 improvements make a city more attractive to investors and visitors long after the competition has finished.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, critics point out that these
events
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 are extremely expensive. Some cities,
such
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 as Athens in 2004, built huge stadiums that were later abandoned and became a financial burden.
Furthermore
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, large crowds can create security risks and put pressure on public services, especially in smaller cities. Another concern is that the money spent on stadiums could be used for hospitals, schools or housing, which are more urgent needs for ordinary citizens. Rio de Janeiro,
for example
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, struggled with debts after the 2016 Games, and many residents felt that the event brought them little benefit.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 hosting international competitions has certain drawbacks, the economic and social advantages are generally greater, provided that the country has enough resources and good organisation.

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task response
You answer all parts of the task. You show both the good and bad sides, and your own view is clear. To make your view even stronger, say more clearly what “carefully planned” means, such as using old sports sites, making a full cost plan, and having a clear use for new buildings after the event.
task response
Your main ideas are clear and well explained. The examples from London, Qatar, Athens, and Rio help your points. For an even better response, link each example more directly to the point before it. For example, after Athens, explain that empty sites can cost the public money for many years.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a very clear shape: an opening, one paragraph for each side, and an ending. Each paragraph stays on one main idea, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as “On the one hand,” “On the other hand,” “Furthermore,” and “In conclusion.” To keep the flow more natural, do not use too many links in one paragraph. Sometimes join ideas by showing the cause and result directly.
coherence and cohesion
The ending gives your view and matches the ideas in the main part. You could make it more exact by saying that a country should host an event only when it can pay for it and has a real plan for the sites after it ends.
task response
Your view is clear from the start and stays the same to the end: these events can be good when there is good planning.
task response
You give useful, real examples that fit both sides of the discussion.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is clear, and the reader can follow your argument without any trouble.
coherence and cohesion
Your opening and ending work well together and give the essay a complete feel.
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