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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is suggested that everyone should have a car, a TV and a fridge. Do the disadvantages of this development for society outweigh the advantages?

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Introduction
In
this
Linking Words
 contemporary society, it is a social norm to have casual
Use synonyms
technology
Replace the word
technological
 developments in our everyday life,
such
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 as personal transportation or a
television
Use synonyms
. Many people believe that those
convenience
Check wording
conveniences
show examples
 are a must,
while
Linking Words
 others believe that
its’
Correct pronoun usage
it’s
show examples
 unnecessary to own them. Personally, I believe that despite the problems, these
devices’
Check wording
devices
show examples
 can positively contribute to
owner’s
Add an article
the owner’s
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 life.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, having large
technology
Use synonyms
 products like
Use synonyms
car
Check wording
cars
show examples
,
Use synonyms
television
Check wording
televisions
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, or refrigerators can cause immense energy consumption, which is a negative impact on
owner’s
Check wording
owners’
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 budgets. To
examplify
Correct your spelling
exemplify
, to run a
car
Use synonyms
 or any personal transportation, there
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 a weekly or monthly charge for gas.
Moreover
Linking Words
, using televisions or refrigerators
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 going to cost enormous amounts of electricity. In urban areas, both gas and
electric
Replace the word
electricity
 are costly
fee
Check wording
fees
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, which are a must-purchase when having
Use synonyms
car
Add an article
a car
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 or electric devices.
Body paragraph 2
In controversy, owning those products can strongly improve
its’
Correct pronoun usage
one’s
show examples
 user living quality.
For example
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, a
car
Use synonyms
 can provide freedom of movement for its
’
Punctuation problem
apply
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 user. In spite of short or long distance
trip
Check wording
trips
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, using a
car
Use synonyms
 will help people get there directly as fast as possible. Or a
television
Use synonyms
 might provide high-quality entertainment time for family and friends. In my opinion, I believe that those
technology
Use synonyms
 products are worth spending
for
Change preposition
on
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, since
it
Fix the agreement mistake
they
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 can make our lives easier and happier.
For example
Linking Words
, having a
car
Use synonyms
 can help us go on long trips with our friends, or having a
television
Use synonyms
 can bring our families together to watch an inspiring movie.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
,
although
Linking Words
 there are various problems
for
Change preposition
associated with
show examples
 owning
technology
Use synonyms
 devices
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
show examples
 as energy fees, it’s still worth spending money on them for their positive effects on our
life
Check wording
lives
show examples
.

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task response
Give a clear answer to the main question in the first part. You say the good points are stronger, but you do not fully explain why they are stronger for society as a whole.
task response
Write more about society, not only the owner. For example, cars can cause more traffic, dirty air, and less space in cities. Fridges can keep food safe and cut food waste. TVs can give news and learning, but may lead to too much screen time.
task response
Your main bad point is the cost of gas and power. Add at least one wider bad point, such as harm to the air or too much waste from old products. This will make the answer more complete.
task response
Use examples that show cause and result. Instead of only saying a car helps people travel, explain how this helps work, school, family life, or people who live far from town.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end. Keep this shape, but make each body part focus on one clear idea.
coherence and cohesion
The second body part has many ideas: cars, TV, trips, family time, and quality of life. Split or order these ideas more clearly: first cars, then TV and fridges, then explain why these points are more important.
coherence and cohesion
Use clearer linking words. “In controversy” is not natural here. Use “However,” “On the other hand,” or “In contrast.”
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating “For example” many times. You can use “Also,” “As a result,” “For this reason,” and “This means that” to join ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Make the last part stronger by directly comparing both sides. Say clearly that the higher cost is less important than the gains in travel, food safety, and home life.
task response
You give a clear personal view that the good points are greater than the bad points.
task response
You use useful examples about travel by car and family time with TV.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear beginning and ending, and the reader can follow your main view.
coherence and cohesion
You use paragraph breaks to separate the bad side from the good side.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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