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Band 6.5

Some people think globalisation brings countries closer, while others think it weakens local cultures. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
Whether
globalisation
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 is beneficial remains a subject of considerable debate.
While
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 some
people
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 argue that it brings
countries
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 closer, others believe that it weakens local cultures.
This
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 essay will examine both perspectives before explaining why I find the first view more convincing.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, supporters of
globalisation
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 argue that it strengthens international relationships and promotes economic growth.
This
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 is mainly because
countries
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 can exchange knowledge, technology and products more easily.
For example
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, nations can share medical research and educational methods to improve healthcare and learning.
As a result
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,
people
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 can access better services, gain new skills and improve their living standards.
Furthermore
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, these exchanges help
people
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 understand different perspectives, reducing misunderstandings between nations.
Therefore
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,
globalisation
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 creates opportunities that benefit individuals and societies.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, others argue that
globalisation
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 threatens local cultures. The main reason is that foreign lifestyles may gradually replace traditional customs.
Although
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 international influences provide new opportunities, they can reduce interest in cultural heritage.
For instance
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, young
people
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 in Nepal may prefer foreign fast food to traditional dishes
such
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 as dal bhat.
Consequently
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, local food traditions may become less popular among younger generations.
However
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,
countries
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 can preserve their identities
while
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 participating in the global market.
For example
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, Japan promotes traditional festivals and cuisine
while
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 exporting technology and products worldwide. For these reasons, I believe the benefits of
globalisation
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 outweigh its disadvantages.
Conclusion
In conclusion, both views have their own merits.
However
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,
globalisation
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 is more beneficial because it promotes international cooperation, economic development and cultural understanding. Ultimately,
countries
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 should embrace international opportunities
while
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 actively preserving their traditions.

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task response
You answer both sides and give a clear view. To make the answer stronger, explain more clearly why being close to other countries is more important than the risk to local culture.
task response
Your main ideas are clear, but some points need more detail. For example, show how trade, study, or travel can bring people and countries closer in real life.
task response
The Nepal and Japan examples fit the topic well. Add one more clear detail to each example, such as what young people do or how a local event is kept alive.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: first view, second view, then your own view. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use fewer linking words such as “For example”, “As a result”, and “Therefore” in close order. At times, join ideas in a more natural way so the writing does not sound like a list.
coherence and cohesion
In the second body part, the sentence beginning “However” changes from the problem to your own view. Make this change clearer by saying that culture loss is a risk, but it can be managed by active local action.
task response
You discuss the good side and the bad side of globalisation, and your own view is clear from the start to the end.
task response
Your examples are on-topic and help the reader understand your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has one main point, and the opening and ending clearly frame the whole essay.
coherence and cohesion
The links between many ideas are clear, especially the cause and result links.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • global trade
  • international travel
  • cultural exchange
  • shared interests
  • global media
  • cross-cultural understanding
  • foreign investment
  • multinational companies
  • local businesses
  • traditional crafts
  • cultural heritage
  • national identity
  • local customs
  • minority languages
  • global language
  • consumer culture
  • preserve traditions
  • promote local products
  • cultural diversity
  • strike a balance
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