Friendships that take place online are not as meaningful as those where people meet each other face to face. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In recent times, it is usually believed that
friendships
that take place online might not be meaningful compared to friendships
where people
meet each other face
to face
. In my opinion, I completely agree with this
point of view.
First and foremost, people
should recognize that online friendships
might not be sustainable. People
contacting friends
through the Internet would face
a lack of physical interaction, a crucial factor in bonding a meaningful friendship. As an example, while
contacting friends
online, we cannot know our friends
’ actual thoughts, which can be presented through body language and eye contact. In addition
, we cannot deny the fact that people
who are trying to make friends
online might face
the threat of identity theft, which might have their personal information stolen.
Another reason why I agree with the statement is that friendships
where people
meet each other face
to face
are able to strengthen people
’s connection than online ones. Unlike online friendships
, a face
-to-face
friendship will allow people
to hang out with their friends
more regularly. That not only leads to the reduction of stress and pressure that people
face
in their daily lives but also
provides more opportunities for them to share their emotions and experiences. Therefore
, this
kind of friendship will create more memorable moments between people
and their friends
.
In conclusion, I believe that online friendships
might not be as meaningful as face
-to-face
friendships
. However
, it could be more interesting when you contact others through social media platforms than seeing friends
sometimes.Submitted by anhpham.712688 on
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style
Consider using more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to make the essay more engaging. For instance, instead of starting many sentences with 'People,' you could rephrase or vary the sentence beginnings.
content
You can strengthen your arguments by using more specific examples or evidence to support your points. For instance, referencing studies or statistics about online friendships vs face-to-face friendships could add weight to your arguments.
style
Try to avoid repetition of ideas or phrases. For example, the phrases 'online friendships' and 'face-to-face friendships' are repeated quite frequently. You can use synonyms or rephrase to make the essay smoother.
structure
You've done a good job structuring your essay. The introduction clearly states your position, and the conclusion effectively summarizes your main points.
clarity
Your ideas are expressed clearly and are generally easy to understand. This is crucial for achieving a high score in coherence and cohesion.
content
You have addressed the prompt well by presenting arguments in favor of face-to-face friendships and supporting them with relevant reasoning.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite