IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people feel that equality between the genders has already been achieved while others feel there is considerable progress to be made. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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It is considered by some people that
women
Use synonyms
 today are treated as equally as
men
Use synonyms
while
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 others think that gender equality has yet to be achieved.
Although
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women
Use synonyms
 have indeed been given more respect and opportunities,
as well as
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 more rights as a citizen and
men
Use synonyms
 can act in the way they desire,
women
Use synonyms
 are still disadvantaged in some cultures and when it comes to making purchases. It is apparently undeniable that to some extent,
women
Use synonyms
 have been treated with more esteem in recent decades. The most significant evidence for
this
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 is their rights to vote, to run for elections and to be elected. Had it been centuries ago,
women
Use synonyms
 would not be allowed to acquire knowledge and receive education, let alone vote or be in high authority like many do now. Another example of gender equality having been attained is that stereotypes like “strong”, “should act menly” or “should not cry” are no longer imposed on
men
Use synonyms
.
As a result
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, they are now free to live in the way they wish, meaning they
could
Wrong verb form
can
show examples
 be gently or vulnerable without being criticised. Having been given as many rights as
men
Use synonyms
 regarding societal activities,
women
Use synonyms
 are still looked down on in some cultures.
For instance
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, in some remote areas in Vietnam, daughters and wives are not permitted to eat before the male members of their families finish their meal.
In addition
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 to that, they are usually beaten up and tortured when they do not satisfy their fathers or husbands. It should
also
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 be noticed that products aimed at
women
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 tend to have a higher price compared to those with the same function but for
men
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.
As a consequence
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, they have to pay much more money for their necessities, which is totally unfair.
For example
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, in the USA, despite being necessary, tampons and other period products are taxed up to 35%, putting many
women
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 with low income at a disadvantage since they cannot afford
such
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 a basic need. In conclusion,
while
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 both
women
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 and
men
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 have been treated the same recently, gender equality have not been fully achieved as many
women
Use synonyms
 are still mistreated in their family and by companies.

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introduction conclusion present
While your essay contains an introduction and a conclusion, the introduction could be enhanced by providing a clearer thesis statement that directly addresses the essay question. The conclusion summarizes the discussion effectively.
supported main points
Your main points are generally supported by examples, but the support could be more specific and fully developed. Strive to include detailed examples that clearly relate to the central point being made.
logical structure
Ensure that all paragraphs have a logical flow and that ideas connect smoothly from one to the next. Transitional phrases can help improve the readability and coherence of your essay.
complete response
You have addressed both views of the argument and provided a personal opinion, which meets the task requirements. Your response is complete, but some ideas seem general and require further development for depth.
clear comprehensive ideas
Work on articulating your ideas more clearly and comprehensively. Aim for greater clarity by breaking down complex ideas into more straightforward statements when necessary.
relevant specific examples
The examples provided are relevant, but to score higher, they should be more specific and detailed. This will better illustrate and substantiate your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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