IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that living in a big city is better, while others think that living in the countryside offers more advantages. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

5.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
People
Use synonyms
 hold different opinions regarding whether living in a big
city
Use synonyms
 or in the
countryside
Use synonyms
 is more beneficial.
While
Linking Words
 supporters of a big
city
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
emphasize
Change the spelling
emphasise
show examples
 better career and academic
Use synonyms
opportunities
Punctuation problem
opportunities,
show examples
 others believe that living in the
countryside
Use synonyms
 offers a calm and peaceful lifestyle . In my opinion, living in a big
city
Use synonyms
 is more beneficial because it allows young
people
Use synonyms
 to
access
Use synonyms
 educational resources and job
opportunities
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, those who advocate
the
Change preposition
for the
show examples
countryside
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
life
Check wording
apply
show examples
argue that it provides a peaceful and calm
life
Use synonyms
. Their reasoning stems from the belief that
people
Use synonyms
 can enjoy their lives without having to deal with heavy traffic on the roads during peak hours, which may lead to a relaxing and less stressful
life
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, by choosing to live in a village,
people
Use synonyms
 have enough time for themselves as roads are not as busy as in a big
city
Use synonyms
 and it may
takes
Wrong verb form
take
show examples
 less time to commute to work daily, resulting in a better quality of
life
Use synonyms
. From
this
Linking Words
 perspective, it is understandable why some individuals favour living in the
countryside
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, supporters of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
big
city
Use synonyms
life
Use synonyms
 believe that it offers greater educational
opportunities
Use synonyms
 to young
people
Use synonyms
. One of the primary reasons is that university students can
access
Use synonyms
 a
vareity
Correct your spelling
variety
 of educational resources at universities, which can significantly contribute to
achieve
Wrong verb form
achieving
show examples
their
academics
Replace the word
academic
 goals .
This
Linking Words
 is particularly important because students living in big
cities
Use synonyms
 may have more
access
Use synonyms
 to educational institutions.
For instance
Linking Words
, students residing in Vancouver can attend universities that offer a wide range of educational degrees without having to travel long distances from remote areas.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, career
opportunities
Use synonyms
 can
also
Linking Words
 play a crucial role in helping young adults to secure their dream jobs at multinational companies.
Linking Words
Thus
Correct pronoun usage
This
show examples
 is because big
cities
Use synonyms
 provide individuals with a range of employment options to choose from. In my opinion, urban
cities
Use synonyms
 are more beneficial to young individuals because these
cities
Use synonyms
 offer better educational institutions and big companies to achieve
individual's
Add an article
an individual's
show examples
 academic goals and jobs.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 village
life
Use synonyms
 offers certain advantages, particularly in terms of
relaxing
Add an article
a relaxing
show examples
lifedtyle
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
 and a better quality of
life
Use synonyms
, I firmly believe that living in
cities
Use synonyms
 is a better choice because it not only provides greater job
opportunities
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
 improves
access
Use synonyms
 to educational institutions.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
You discuss both sides and give a clear view. To make your answer stronger, explain more fully why city schools and jobs matter more than the quiet life in the country.
task response
Your city example is clear, but the country side needs a more real example. For example, say how less noise or more time with family can help a person’s daily life.
task response
Be careful not to repeat the same point about schools and jobs. Add one new idea, such as hospitals, public travel, or more types of work.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: opening, country view, city view, and ending. Keep this four-part plan.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Some links are repeated, especially “For example” and “This is because”. Try “Also”, “As a result”, or “In contrast” when they fit.
coherence and cohesion
Make each main paragraph focus on one main idea. In the city paragraph, first discuss schools, then start a new paragraph for jobs, or make the change between these ideas clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Check small word and sentence errors because they can slow the reader. For example, write “it may take less time”, “a variety”, “achieve their academic goals”, and “This is because”.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you discuss city life, country life, and clearly state your own view.
task response
Your ideas are relevant and easy to understand. The example of students in Vancouver helps show why cities can be useful for study.
coherence and cohesion
The opening gives a clear plan, and the ending restates your main view well.
coherence and cohesion
Each paragraph has a clear main point, and you use helpful signposts such as “On the one hand” and “On the other hand”.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: