IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

It is argued that doing a single career is an older trend, whereas, by having several jobs people can earn the high wages and learn new skills throughout their life.

4.5 / 9
Band scoreView breakdown ↓
✍️ Want to check your own essay?Write on this topic →
Introduction
It is argued that doing a single
career
Use synonyms
 is an older trend,
whereas
Linking Words
, by having several
Use synonyms
jobs
Punctuation problem
jobs,
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 can earn
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high wages and learn new skills throughout their life. I am in
favor
Change the spelling
favour
show examples
 of later view and presume that
although
Linking Words
 through
one
Use synonyms
job
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 may
expert
Verb problem
become experts
show examples
 in their
jobs
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 can engage with more
jobs
Use synonyms
 and can
change
Use synonyms
 their
career
Use synonyms
 anytime by having multiple
jobs
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
First,
Linking Words
I contend that
people
Use synonyms
 may get multiple employment opportunities by studying various courses. To elaborate, if
people
Use synonyms
 study more than
one
Use synonyms
 course,
this
Linking Words
 will enhance their knowledge about different professionals;
consequently
Linking Words
, they can participate in multiple
jobs
Use synonyms
 at the same
time
Use synonyms
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they will earn more compared to the single
job
Use synonyms
person
Check wording
apply
show examples
. As an
illustation
Replace the word
illustration
, lots of international students in Canada,
along with
Linking Words
 their primary course,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
get admission in secondary certificates,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 allows them to perform multiple
jobs
Use synonyms
 and
fullfil
Correct your spelling
fulfil
 their financial needs.
Body paragraph 2
The second reason why I am
infavor
Correct your spelling
in favour
 of doing more than
one
Use synonyms
careers
Check wording
career
show examples
 is that professionals can
change
Use synonyms
 their
jobs
Use synonyms
according to
Linking Words
 their interests
in
Change preposition
at any point in
show examples
 any span of their life. To expand it, often workers become
boared
Use the right word
bored
show examples
 by doing
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 same
job
Use synonyms
 consistently; they
struggled
Wrong verb form
struggle
show examples
 to
change
Use synonyms
 their
jobs
Use synonyms
 because they do not have knowledge about any other fields.
Therefore
Linking Words
, I feel that by studying
with the passage of
Change preposition
over
show examples
time
Use synonyms
,
people
Use synonyms
 can move to other fields conveniently and can do their desired
job
Use synonyms
 afterwards. So, multiple-
career
Use synonyms
 workers are more independent in their
career
Use synonyms
 choices compared to the single
job
Use synonyms
 holders.
Body paragraph 3
In contrast
Linking Words
, single
career
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 become more experienced in their
jobs
Use synonyms
 . By doing
one
Use synonyms
job
Use synonyms
 for a
log
Use the right word
long
show examples
time
Use synonyms
, they become
use
Wrong verb form
used
show examples
 to their work, leading to
more fast and
Correct word order
faster and more
show examples
 expert
in
Check wording
performance in
show examples
 their
jobs
Use synonyms
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, their epertise open opportunities for high level
job
Use synonyms
 in the same field.
However
Linking Words
, most of the
time
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 become
feed
Wrong verb form
fed
show examples
 up
by
Change preposition
with
show examples
 doing the same
job
Use synonyms
 continuously.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
,
while
Linking Words
 a single
career
Use synonyms
 allows professionals to be
expert
Check wording
experts
show examples
 in their fields, I staunchly believe that multiple
job
Use synonyms
 holders can engage with distinct
jobs
Use synonyms
 and can
change
Use synonyms
 their professional field
according to
Linking Words
 their
inteests
Correct your spelling
interests
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
State your main view in a clear way in the first part. Then give two clear reasons for it, and explain each reason more fully.
task response
Some ideas are useful, such as more pay and the chance to change work. But show more clearly why these points are true and how they affect people.
task response
Use examples that fit the point well. The Canada example is about study and part-time work, so it does not fully show a person having several careers.
task response
When you write about the other side, explain it fairly. Say why staying in one field can lead to deep skill, trust, and better work, before you say why you still disagree.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, body parts, and an ending. Make the order even clearer: main view, first reason, second reason, other side, final view.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one simple main idea. Keep all the next lines in that part linked to this one idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as "For example", "As a result", "However", and "Therefore" can help show the link between ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid saying the same idea many times, such as people can change jobs at any time. Add a new point or a clear result instead.
task response
You give a clear personal view and keep this view through the essay.
task response
You discuss both sides of the topic, not only your own view.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses clear parts for the two main reasons, the other side, and the ending.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful link words, such as "First", "Additionally", "In contrast", and "To sum up".
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: