IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Many customs and traditional ways of behavior are no longer relevant to modern life and not worth keeping. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
There is a view that it is not worth keeping conventional ways of behaviour and customs in modern
life
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.
While
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disappearance
Add an article
the disappearance
show examples
 of traditional ways of
life
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 has benefits, I strongly believe
traditions
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 should be preserved.
Body paragraph 1
There are several reasons why
people
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 think
traditions
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 are not worth keeping. One of them is that
people
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 can feel out of place in the hustle of modern
life
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.
This
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 is because, when
people
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 wear traditional clothes, they may be perceived as old-fashioned and experience discomfort in social situations.
As a result
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,
people
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 may prefer to look the same and adapt to modern
life
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 rather than follow
traditions
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 from the past. Another argument is that
traditions
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 can limit personal freedom. Some of the
traditions
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 require
people
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 to do things they disagree with, even if they do want to do them.
Consequently
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, they choose to abandon these
traditions
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.
Body paragraph 2
Despite these arguments, I still argue that conventional ways of behaviour and customs should be kept. First and foremost, losing
traditions
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 can lead to a loss of cultural identity. If
people
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 no longer wear their traditional clothes or participate in cultural gatherings, they may gradually lose touch with their history and heritage.
As a result
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, younger generations may forget their cultural roots. An equally significant point is that the loss of
traditions
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 can weaken family relationships. Since some of tradations gather relatives together and build a closer relationship.
Therefore
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, for
such
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 reasons,
traditions
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 should be maintained.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I acknowledge that abandoning
traditions
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 is no doubt significant in modern
life
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.
However
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, I am convinced that
traditions
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 should be kept as they save cultural identity and strengthen family bonds.

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task response
Your view is clear: you agree that traditions should stay. To make your answer stronger, explain more clearly why the good points are more important than the bad points.
task response
Develop each main idea with a real or clear example. For example, say how a family meal, a festival, or a school event can help young people know their past.
task response
Be careful with ideas that are too wide. Not all traditions are good. You could say that harmful traditions should change, but useful cultural customs should stay.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, two main parts, and ending. Keep this shape, but make the last paragraph more complete.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are not clear. For example, “Since some of tradations gather relatives together...” is not a full sentence. Write a full point, then explain its result.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “Therefore” should follow a clear cause. Avoid using several result links in a short space if one is enough.
coherence and cohesion
Use the same key words in a clear way. You use “traditions”, “customs”, and “conventional ways of behaviour”. This is good, but “traditional ways of life” has a wider meaning, so use it only when you mean daily life in general.
task response
You answer both sides of the question and give a clear personal view from the start.
task response
Your main reasons are relevant: cultural identity and family ties are strong reasons for keeping customs.
coherence and cohesion
Each main paragraph has a clear main idea, and your ending repeats your view in a direct way.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful signposts such as “While”, “Despite these arguments”, “As a result”, and “In conclusion” to guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • hinder progress
  • social mobility
  • intrinsic value
  • cultural touchstones
  • upbringing
  • sense of identity
  • continuity
  • moral and ethical values
  • quaint
  • foster a sense of community
  • outdated
  • intrinsic
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