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Writing Samples
Band 5

In some cities , people are choosing cars instead of bycyles , while in others cities riding bike is replacing cars . Why is this case ? Which development do you think is better?

5.0 / 9
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Introduction
Nowadays,
transportation
Use synonyms
 has changed the meaning of distance. Historically,
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 was something an ordinary person could only dream of, but now
cars
Use synonyms
 and
bikes
Use synonyms
 are increasingly common and popular, which has made it possible. In
this
Linking Words
 day and age, some individuals suggest that
cars
Use synonyms
 are an efficient
way
Use synonyms
 of
transportation
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others claim that
bicycles
Use synonyms
 are still a better
way
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
In the past, the invention of
cars
Use synonyms
 defined the upper class.
Cars
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 are now very common in urban areas and large cities.
Cars
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 help users to experience private
transportation
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 that public
transportation
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 or
bicycles
Use synonyms
 can't provide. Not only that, but
cars
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 can reach certain places that others can't.
Cars
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also
Linking Words
 allow
people
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 to travel long distances without much physical effort.
This
Linking Words
way
Use synonyms
 of
transportation
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 can act as a shelter that shields passengers from rain, heat, or pollution.
Body paragraph 2
At present, some
people
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 still personally prefer
bikes
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 as a
way
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 of
transportation
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.
Bikes
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 can significantly benefit many aspects.
Firstly
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,
bikes
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 enhance health benefits. Riding a bike can be difficult, but cycling can be a form of exercise that improves physical fitness.
Secondly
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,
bikes
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 do not produce any kind of pollution
while
Linking Words
 riding, unlike other types of vehicles. Another important benefit that it can give users is the cost.
Bikes
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 are more affordable for certain
people
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 that requires moving or
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 in short distances.
Lastly
Linking Words
,
traveling
Change the spelling
travelling
show examples
 by bike can reduce congestion. In large cities, governments are creating cycling lanes, so
people
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 can ride
bicycles
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 safely and reduce the
percent
Replace the word
percentage
 of
facing
Check wording
time spent facing
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
traffic jams.
Conclusion
In conclusion, both types of
transportation
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 are very efficient for passengers, but the popularity of
bicycles
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 should increase because of the benefits that they
carry
Verb problem
offer
show examples
.
Although
Linking Words
cars
Use synonyms
 can provide certain
pros
Check wording
advantages
show examples
 that
bikes
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 do not.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, driving
cars
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 can cause environmental costs. Thousands of households
having
Change preposition
with
show examples
cars
Use synonyms
 can produce a wide range of pollution in the atmosphere.
In
Change preposition
From
show examples
 my perspective, the best approach is not choosing one and rejecting the other, but
consider
Wrong verb form
considering
show examples
 where to use it.

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task response
Answer the first question more clearly. Explain why car use grows in some cities, such as long trips, weak bus or train links, rain, heat, and the need to carry people or things. Explain why bike use grows in other cities, such as safe bike paths, short trips, high car costs, and city rules.
task response
Make your own view clear from the start and keep it the same. You say bikes should be more popular, but the last line says people should choose by place. This is a good idea, but state it as your main answer: bikes are better for short city trips, while cars are useful for long trips.
task response
Add one or two clear examples. For example, a city with safe bike lanes and cheap bike hire may lead more people to cycle. A city with few buses and many far homes may lead more people to drive.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clearer four-part plan: introduce both changes and your view; explain why cars rise; explain why bikes rise; then give your final view. Your essay mostly follows this plan, but the first paragraph does not fully show the reasons for both changes.
coherence and cohesion
Link each idea to the question. At the end of the car paragraph, say that these benefits make people choose cars in some cities. At the end of the bike paragraph, say that these benefits make cycling more common in other cities.
coherence and cohesion
Keep sentences short and direct. For example, change “reduce the percent of facing with traffic jams” to “reduce traffic jams.” This will make your ideas easier to follow.
task response
You discuss both cars and bikes, and you give a clear reason why bikes can be a better choice for many city trips.
task response
Your points about health, clean air, lower cost, and less traffic are useful and fit the topic well.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear opening, separate body parts for cars and bikes, and a final paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
You use simple linking words such as “Firstly,” “Secondly,” “Lastly,” and “In conclusion,” which help the reader follow your main points.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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