IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Government spends a lot of money on education. More money should be spent on free time activities. To what extent do agree or disagree?

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Currently, people have different views as to whether
countries
Use synonyms
 should spend a lot of
money
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 on
education
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 rather than free time activities. Despite the fact that expenditure on people's hobbies can resolve many problems in society, I believe that spending
money
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regarding
Change preposition
on
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 academia is the most sustainable development in all
countries
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. On the one hand, many activities are used to maintain the mental health of humans.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that stress from their work is the major cause of mental disorders and sometimes hobbies can help with
this
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 issue.
For instance
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, exercising, playing sports, watching movies, using social media and
traveling
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travelling
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.
As a result
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, spending
money
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 on free time activities will be important, but it is limited to a specific person.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, paying a lot of
money
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 to
education
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 can develop society to become more civilized in the long term.
This
Linking Words
 is because
money
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 will create human resources in the best way.
In addition
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, spending
money
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 on
education
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 is the benefit of children.
This
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 is
due to
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 the fact that in the future,
society
Correct article usage
the society
show examples
 of the world will become older and the elderly cannot make income for their
countries
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, so young people will drive the economic system.
For example
Linking Words
, governments should be investing in studying new innovations, giving scholarships to students, researching new technology and providing significance to trends of the world.
Therefore
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, nowadays, the expenditure on
education
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 is the most significant. In conclusion, in my opinion, I agree that spending
money
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 on academia will provide the most sustainable development and make income for all
countries
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 in the long term.

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Clarity & Specification
Ensure to further refine the clarity of your arguments by providing even more specific examples and elaborating on how education directly impacts sustainable development and the economy.
Linking & Cohesion
Consider introducing a wider range of linking phrases to enhance the flow and coherence between ideas.
Balance & Detail
Balance the discussion between your main points by allocating similar levels of detail and development to both sides of the argument, even if you have a strong preference for one.
Structure
You've maintained a clear structure throughout, with a defined introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, effectively guiding the reader through your argument.
Argument & Logic
Your essay presents a logical argument, demonstrating a strong ability to discuss complex ideas while keeping an eye on the overall question.
Use of Examples
Your use of examples, particularly the emphasis on future societal needs and the role of youth, significantly strengthens your argument for prioritizing educational spending.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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