Government spends a lot of money on education. More money should be spent on free time activities. To what extent do agree or disagree?

#government #money #education #time #activities

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Currently, people have different views as to whether

countries

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should spend a lot of

money

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education

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rather than free time activities. Despite the fact that expenditure on people's hobbies can resolve many problems in society, I believe that spending

money

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regarding

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show examples

academia is the most sustainable development in all

countries

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. On the one hand, many activities are used to maintain the mental health of humans.

This

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due to

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the fact that stress from their work is the major cause of mental disorders and sometimes hobbies can help with

this

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issue.

For instance

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, exercising, playing sports, watching movies, using social media and

traveling

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travelling

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As a result

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, spending

money

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on free time activities will be important, but it is limited to a specific person.

On the other hand

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, paying a lot of

money

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education

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can develop society to become more civilized in the long term.

This

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is because

money

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will create human resources in the best way.

In addition

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, spending

money

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education

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is the benefit of children.

This

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due to

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the fact that in the future,

society

Correct article usage

the society

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of the world will become older and the elderly cannot make income for their

countries

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, so young people will drive the economic system.

For example

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, governments should be investing in studying new innovations, giving scholarships to students, researching new technology and providing significance to trends of the world.

Therefore

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, nowadays, the expenditure on

education

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is the most significant. In conclusion, in my opinion, I agree that spending

money

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on academia will provide the most sustainable development and make income for all

countries

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in the long term.

Submitted by name79sinlapa on Thu May 02 2024

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Clarity & Specification

Ensure to further refine the clarity of your arguments by providing even more specific examples and elaborating on how education directly impacts sustainable development and the economy.

Linking & Cohesion

Consider introducing a wider range of linking phrases to enhance the flow and coherence between ideas.

Balance & Detail

Balance the discussion between your main points by allocating similar levels of detail and development to both sides of the argument, even if you have a strong preference for one.

Structure

You've maintained a clear structure throughout, with a defined introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, effectively guiding the reader through your argument.

Argument & Logic

Your essay presents a logical argument, demonstrating a strong ability to discuss complex ideas while keeping an eye on the overall question.

Use of Examples

Your use of examples, particularly the emphasis on future societal needs and the role of youth, significantly strengthens your argument for prioritizing educational spending.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 6.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 6.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

266 words

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Government spends a lot of money on education. More money should be spent on free time activities. To what extent do agree or disagree?

Your opinion

Many people believe that countries should produce food for the whole population and import as little food as possible. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People, who go to live in other countries should follow the customs and tradition of the new country, to what extent to do you agree or disagree?

People believe that some individuals are born with leadership skills, while others think that leadership skills can be made. Discuss both views.

With advancing technology, the development of automated vehicles is becoming reality. In your opinion, what are the advantages and disadvantages of self-driving vehicles?