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Writing Samples
Band 6

In some cities, people are choosing cars instead of bicycles, while in other cities, riding bikes is replacing cars. Why is this the case? Which development do you think is better?

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Introduction
Nowadays,
transportation
Use synonyms
 has changed the meaning of distance. Historically, travelling was something an ordinary person could only dream of, but now
cars
Use synonyms
 and
bikes
Use synonyms
 are increasingly common and popular, which has made it possible. In
this
Linking Words
 day and age, some individuals suggest that
cars
Use synonyms
 are an efficient form of transport,
while
Linking Words
 others claim that
bicycles
Use synonyms
 are still a better way.
Body paragraph 1
In the past, the invention of
cars
Use synonyms
 defined the upper class.
Cars
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 are now very common in urban areas and large cities.
Cars
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 help users to experience private
transportation
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 that public
transportation
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 or
bicycles
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 can't provide. Not only that, but
cars
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 can reach certain places that others can't.
Cars
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also
Linking Words
 allow people to travel long distances without much physical effort.
This
Linking Words
 way of
transportation
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 can act as a shelter that shields passengers from rain, heat, or pollution.
Body paragraph 2
At present, some people still personally prefer
bikes
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 as a way of
transportation
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.
Bikes
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 can significantly benefit many aspects.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
bikes
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 enhance health benefits. Riding a bike can be difficult, but cycling can be a form of exercise that improves physical fitness.
Secondly
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,
bikes
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 do not produce any kind of pollution
while
Linking Words
 riding, unlike other types of vehicles. Another important benefit that it can give users is the cost.
Bikes
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 are more affordable for certain people that requires moving or travelling in short distances.
Lastly
Linking Words
, travelling by bike can reduce congestion. In large cities, governments are creating cycling lanes, so
community
Add an article
the community
show examples
 can ride
bicycles
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 safely and reduce the percentage of
facing
Check wording
time spent facing
show examples
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
traffic jams.
Conclusion
In conclusion, both types of
transportation
Use synonyms
 are very efficient for passengers, but the popularity of
bicycles
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 should increase because of the benefits that they offer.
Although
Linking Words
cars
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 can provide certain advantages that
bikes
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 do not.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, driving
cars
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 can cause environmental costs. Thousands of households with
cars
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 can produce a wide range of pollution in the atmosphere. From my perspective, the best approach is not choosing one and rejecting the other, but considering where to use it.

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task response
Answer the first question more directly. Explain why car use grows in some cities, such as long trips, bad weather, weak bus or train services, and few safe bike paths. Then explain why bike use grows in other cities, such as bike lanes, lower cost, and less traffic.
task response
Your view is clear: bikes are better in many cases. Make it stronger by saying when bikes are best, for example for short city trips, and when cars may still be needed, for example for long trips or for people with small children.
task response
Add one real or clear example to support each main idea. For example, a city with safe bike lanes may have more people who ride to work, while a city with heavy rain and long travel times may lead people to use cars.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, cars, bikes, and conclusion. Keep this plan, but make each body paragraph start with a sentence that answers the question more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. Words such as 'firstly', 'secondly', and 'lastly' help, but some links are not clear. For example, change 'Not only that, but cars can reach certain places that others cannot' to a more direct sentence about why this matters.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same words too often, such as 'cars', 'bikes', and 'transportation'. You can also use 'vehicles', 'cycling', 'driving', 'people', or 'this choice' where the meaning is clear.
coherence and cohesion
Make some sentences shorter and more exact. For example, 'Bikes are more affordable for certain people that requires moving or travelling in short distances' can be 'Bikes cost less and are useful for short trips.'
task response
You discuss both cars and bikes, and you give a clear final view that cycling should be used more often.
task response
Your ideas about health, cost, pollution, traffic, comfort, and long trips are relevant to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The four-paragraph form is easy to follow, and the conclusion returns to your main view.
coherence and cohesion
The bike paragraph uses a clear list of reasons, which helps the reader follow your ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sprawling urban areas
  • infrastructure
  • carbon footprints
  • dedicated bike lanes
  • bike-sharing programs
  • compact urban design
  • sustainable
  • pollution
  • traffic congestion
  • livable
  • physical activity
  • reducing stress levels
  • alleviated
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