IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Introduction
It is often argued that it is essential for
younger
Add an article
the younger
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 and older
generation
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generations
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 to save
money
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 for their future lives. I
completly
Correct your spelling
completely
 agree with
this
Linking Words
 view of saving
money
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 because it provide finacial support
in
Change preposition
on
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 rainy days.
Body paragraph 1
One of the most apparent
reason
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reasons
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 why
i
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I
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 agree with
point
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the point
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 of view is that saving
money
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 can help young
people
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for
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their higher studies. A good illustration of
this
Linking Words
 is that students from low socio-econmic background can use
this
Linking Words
money
Use synonyms
 for university higher education.
As a result
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,
thay
Correct your spelling
they
 can secure a good position in companies and become financially
independant
Correct your spelling
independent
 and raise their standard of living.
Body paragraph 2
Another point that should not be overlooked is that saving
money
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 is very beneficial for
older
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the older
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 generation for their old age.
For instance
Linking Words
, older
people
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 after their retirement can use
this
Linking Words
money
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 to
fulfill
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fulfil
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 their basic requirements
such
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 as food,
medicne
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medicine
,
travel
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and travel
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.
This
Linking Words
 is because in old age they do not have any
permant
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permanent
 source of income, so they can use their
save
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savings
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money
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 to spend their lives in comfort.
Body paragraph 3
On the flip
side
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side,
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 some
people
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 argue that we should not save
money
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 because it causes
the
Correct article usage
apply
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financial problems in
present
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the present
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 life. The main reason is that
people
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 start to focus on saving their income,
therefore
Linking Words
 sometimes they neglect the todays needs.
For example
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, nowadays, everything is very expensive, so
middle class
Correct your spelling
middle-class
 individuals already find it very hard to maintain their living standards and fulfil their needs.
Conclusion
To encapsulate,
although
Linking Words
 some
people
Use synonyms
 disagree with
this
Linking Words
 view of saving
money
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, I completely agree that saved
money
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 can
benefits
Wrong verb form
benefit
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 everyone because it provides financial support to
older
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the older
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 population in their old age to meet basic facilities and
also
Linking Words
 helps
young
Add an article
the young
show examples
 community to
persue
Correct your spelling
pursue
 their higher studies.

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task response
Make your main view more exact. You agree, but your last body part gives the other view in a way that is a little long. Say why this problem does not change your main view.
task response
Develop each main idea with one more clear step. For example, explain how saved money can pay for study costs, or how it can help with health care after work ends.
task response
Use more exact examples. “Food, medicine, and travel” is useful, but a short real-life case would make the ideas stronger.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: start, two main points, other view, and end. Keep this plan, but make the link from the other view to your own view clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Use link words with care. “On the flip side” is fine, but then add a line such as “However, saving a small amount each month can still be possible.” This will join the ideas better.
coherence and cohesion
Keep key words the same. Use “young people” and “older people” rather than changing to “young community” or “older population.” This makes the writing easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Check spelling and word form, as these can slow the reader: “completely,” “financial,” “independent,” “medicine,” “permanent,” “saved money,” and “pursue.”
task response
You answer the question clearly and give a strong view from the start to the end.
task response
Your two main reasons are useful and fit the topic: study for young people and basic needs after work ends.
coherence and cohesion
Each body part has one clear main idea, and the examples usually match that idea.
coherence and cohesion
You include both an opening and an ending, which gives the essay a complete shape.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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