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Writing Samples
Band 5

It is important for everyone, including young people, to save money for their future. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Introduction
It is often argued that it is essential for the younger and older generations to save
money
Use synonyms
 for their future lives. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 view of saving
money
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 because it provides
finacial
Correct your spelling
financial
 support on rainy days.
Body paragraph 1
One of the most apparent reasons why I agree with
this
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 point of view is that saving
money
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 can help
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young
people
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 with their future goals. If students learn to save
money
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 in their early life, when they become
mature
Punctuation problem
mature,
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 they can
use
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 these savings to achieve their goals
Linking Words
such
Punctuation problem
, such
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 as higher studies, start their own business,
learn
Correct word choice
or learn
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 a new skill. A good illustration of
this
Linking Words
 is that students from low socio-econmic background can
use
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this
Linking Words
money
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 for university higher education. They do not have to ask
money
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 from their parents for semester fees.
As a result
Linking Words
, they can get a professional degree and
able
Verb problem
be able
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 to secure a good position in companies. They can become financially independent and raise their standard of living.
Body paragraph 2
Another point that should not be overlooked is that saving
money
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 is very beneficial for the older generation for their old age.
For instance
Linking Words
, older
people
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 after their retirement can
use
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this
Linking Words
money
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 to fulfil their basic requirements
such
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 as food, medicine, and travel.
This
Linking Words
 is because in old
age
Punctuation problem
age,
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 they do not have any permanent source of income, so they can
use
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 their savings to spend their lives in comfort. And they do not have work again
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
also
Linking Words
 ask others for help. Old
people
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,
for example
Linking Words
, can easily pay their hospital bills
,
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apply
show examples
 if they ever get sick.
Body paragraph 3
On the flip side, some
people
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 argue that we should not save
money
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 because it causes financial problems in the present life. The main reason is that
people
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 start to focus on saving their income,
therefore
Linking Words
 sometimes they neglect the todays needs.
For example
Linking Words
, nowadays, everything is very expensive, so middle-class individuals already find it very hard to maintain their living standards and fulfil their needs.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
problems
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problem
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 is not very big,
people
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 can save
small
Add an article
a small
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 amount
in
Change preposition
apply
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every month. So that it
also
Linking Words
not
Verb problem
does not
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 place
burden
Add an article
a burden
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 on their present requirements.
Conclusion
To encapsulate,
although
Linking Words
 some
people
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 disagree with
this
Linking Words
 view of saving
money
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, I completely agree that saved
money
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 can benefit everyone because it provides financial support to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older
people
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 in their old age to meet basic
facilities
Check wording
needs
show examples
 and
also
Linking Words
 helps
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
young individuals to pursue their higher studies.

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task response
Your view is clear from the start: you agree. Keep this clear view in each main part. The part about young people is strong, but explain more clearly why saving early is important, not only what they can buy later.
task response
Your ideas cover both young and old people, so you answer the whole question. However, the part about the other view is quite short. Explain why saving does not have to harm life now, then give one clear example.
task response
Use more exact examples. For example, say how a student may save a small part of money from work each month, or how an old person may use savings for medicine when they stop work.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: opening, young people, old people, other view, and end. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Make each paragraph focus on one main idea. In the first main part, the ideas about study, work, and living well are useful, but link them step by step so the reader can see the result clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. You use words such as 'For instance', 'As a result', and 'However' well. Avoid starting too many sentences with 'And'. Join these ideas with a full sentence instead.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because a word is missing or the word order is not clear. For example, write 'they do not have to work again or ask others for help' instead of 'they do not have work again and also ask others for help.'
coherence and cohesion
Your end repeats the main ideas well. Make it shorter and more direct: state your view again, then name the two main reasons.
task response
You give a direct answer and keep the same view from the opening to the end.
task response
You discuss both young people and old people, with useful points about study, work, food, medicine, and hospital bills.
coherence and cohesion
Each main idea has its own paragraph, and the opening and ending are both present.
coherence and cohesion
Examples are used in the main parts, which helps explain your ideas.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial security
  • safety net
  • unforeseen circumstances
  • emergencies
  • future investments
  • retirement planning
  • financial discipline
  • habit of saving
  • amassing wealth
  • substantial fund
  • opportunity cost
  • additional income
  • inflation
  • purchasing power
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