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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Governments should make people responsible for looking after their local environment. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
The society has to encourage the population to look after their local environment. I personally agree with
this
Linking Words
 option for several reasons.
Body paragraph 1
One of the most compelling reasons is that making the community responsible for their local surroundings can help reduce pollution.
For instance
Linking Words
, if individuals are required to dispose of their rubbish, streets and public places will become cleaner.
Moreover
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, governments could introduce laws
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 which imposing the fines for those who throw their rubbish in public areas or damage green gardens.
As a result
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, the nation will be more careful about its own actions and understand the importance of protecting the environment. And it brings about the decline of rubbish and enhance the nature.
Body paragraph 2
Another important reason is that individual responsibility can encourage the population to be more careful for nature. When people get used to recycling waste, saving water and planting trees, they will absolutely contribute to their nations.
Furthermore
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, children who learn these habits from an early age are more likely to become responsible
public
Correct word choice
apply
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members
in
Change preposition
of society in
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 the future.
Although
Linking Words
,
Correct determiner usage
the
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 government should provide public facilities and organization which protect nature, citizens must contribute to these habits by keeping their own streets clean.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I strongly believe that governments should drive people to be more responsible for their local environment, since
this
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 may reduce pollution, lead to positive habits and create a cleaner community.

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task response
Your view is clear: you agree that people should help care for their local area. To make your answer stronger, explain more clearly how the government can make people responsible. For example, say that it can give fines, teach in schools, and give bins and recycling places.
task response
Your main ideas are good, but some need more support. In the first body part, explain why clean streets and fines can change what people do. In the second, explain how small acts, such as saving water or planting trees, help the local area.
task response
Use more exact examples. Instead of only saying people should recycle, give a short real example: local people can sort paper, glass, and food waste at home, and the town can take it each week.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear shape: an opening, two main parts, and an ending. Keep this plan. Start each main part with one clear main idea, then add an explanation and an example.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are not smooth. Do not begin a new sentence with “And” or use “Although” without a full opposite idea. Use simple links such as “Therefore”, “For this reason”, “In addition”, and “However”.
coherence and cohesion
Make key words the same through the essay. You use “population”, “community”, “nation”, and “citizens” for people. Choose “people” or “local people” most of the time. Also use “the environment” or “local area” in a steady way.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because of word form and grammar. For example, write “laws that impose fines”, “damage green spaces”, “careful about nature”, and “help protect nature”. Clear sentences will make your ideas easier to read.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep the same clear view from the opening to the ending.
task response
You give useful reasons, including less rubbish, cleaner public places, recycling, saving water, and teaching children good habits.
coherence and cohesion
Your two body parts have different main ideas, and the ending brings the main points together.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful linking words such as “For instance”, “Moreover”, “Furthermore”, and “In conclusion”.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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