ome people think that young people who commit crimes should be punished in the same way as adults. Others believe they should be given education and support instead. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

6.5 / 9

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Introduction

There are different opinions about how to deal with young

people

Use synonyms

who break the law. Some believe they should face the same punishments as adults,

while

Linking Words

others think education and

support

Use synonyms

are a better approach. In my opinion, helping young

people

Use synonyms

change through learning and guidance is more effective than punishing them harshly.

Body paragraph 1

Those who

support

Use synonyms

equal punishment argue that serious crimes deserve serious consequences regardless of age. They believe that if young

people

Use synonyms

know they will be treated the same as adults, they will think twice before breaking the law.

In addition

Linking Words

, strong punishments can protect the public by keeping dangerous individuals away from society.

However

Linking Words

, I believe

this

Linking Words

view doesn't consider why many young

people

Use synonyms

turn to crime in the first place, and simply punishing them doesn't fix the problem

Body paragraph 2

On the other hand

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, providing education and guidance addresses the root causes of youth offending,

such

Linking Words

as low academic engagement or chaotic home environments. Children who receive structured

support

Use synonyms

and skill training are far more likely to build productive futures rather than

returning

Wrong verb form

return

show examples

to crime.

For instance

Linking Words

, rehabilitation programs that teach vocational skills give young offenders viable alternatives to illegal activity.

Consequently

Linking Words

, mentorship and schooling foster long-term community safety much more reliably than prison sentences.

Conclusion

In conclusion,

while

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strict punishments may seem like a strong response, I believe that education and

support

Use synonyms

are more effective when it comes to young

people

Use synonyms

. It offers a real chance to change, which ultimately benefits both the individual and society.

camilaaranzazur

Oct 22, 2026

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task response

You discuss both sides and make your own view clear. To make the answer stronger, explain more about when a young person may need a strict punishment, for example after a very serious crime. This will make your view more balanced.

task response

Your main ideas are clear, but add one more detail about how support can work in real life. You could say that a young person may get school help, family help, and work training at the same time.

task response

The example of work-skill programs is useful. Make it more specific by showing the result: a young person can learn a job skill, find work, and have less need to break the law again.

coherence and cohesion

The essay has a clear order: opening, first view, second view, and ending. Keep this strong plan in future essays.

coherence and cohesion

Links such as “On the other hand”, “For instance”, and “Consequently” help the reader follow your ideas. You can also link the first body part more clearly to your own view by starting the last sentence with “Still,” or “Yet,”.

coherence and cohesion

There is a small end-mark issue in the first body part: add a full stop after “the problem”. Also, in the final paragraph, “It offers” has an unclear subject. Write “Education and support offer” instead.

task response

You answer every part of the question: you explain both views and clearly state that education and support are better.

task response

Your reasons are well chosen. You explain that support can deal with the causes of crime and can help young people build a better life.

coherence and cohesion

Each paragraph has one clear main idea, so the essay is easy to read and follow.

coherence and cohesion

The opening gives a clear overview, and the ending restates your view in a direct way.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 8.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

248 words

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