IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiements. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples form your knowledge and experience.

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Introduction
It is often argued that most experimentation on
animals
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 is bad and should be illegal.
In contrast
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, others think that crucial scientific discoveries can be made from animal testing.
While
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 I agree that there is much unnecessary and painful experimentation
that is
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 being done to vulnerable
animals
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, I believe that experimenting on
animals
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 can help us to discover medicine.
However
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, we can reduce the usage of
animals
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 by looking for alternative sources.
Body paragraph 1
Initially
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, experiments on
animals
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 are barbaric and put the poor
animals
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 in cruel conditions.
For example
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, some tests can include sharp items or harsh chemicals that are inserted in sensitive parts of the animal`s body, which leads them to suffer from long-term health problems.
However
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, some animal testing has an ethical justification that mainly focuses on creating drugs that can cure sick individuals.
Therefore
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, governments should ban some experiments that do not offer significant benefits to medicine or science.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
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, scientists can switch from aggressive testing to alternative sources. Scientists should put in an effort to create alternatives for animal testing.
For instance
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, experimenting on human cells or computer simulation will offer us many scientific discoveries.
As a result
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,
this
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 will reduce the number of
animals
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 testing without stopping the development of science or medicine.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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 it is known that experiments on
animals
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 can be brutal, I believe that animal testing can contribute to finding a cure for any sort of illness.
However
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, if we are able to use an alternative source we should use it
instead
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 of
animals
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.

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task response
Answer both parts more fully. You explain why some tests may be needed and name some other ways, but add more detail about when a test is right. For example, say that it should be used only when there is no safe other way and when it may save many lives.
task response
Your main view is clear: animal tests may be used for new medicine, but only with limits. Make this view more exact. Avoid saying they can find a cure for “any sort of illness”, because this is too broad and may not be true.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. The example about sharp items and harsh chemicals shows harm, but an example of a drug test, a cell test, or a computer model would make your answer stronger.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: view, harm and limits, other ways, then a close. Keep this good plan, but make the link between the first body part and the next one smoother. For example: “Because of this harm, other ways should be used where possible.”
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one clear main idea. The first part begins by saying all tests are cruel, but later says some can be right. State the balance at the start: “Many animal tests cause harm, but some may be needed for life-saving drugs.”
coherence and cohesion
Use clear links with care. Words such as “however”, “therefore”, and “as a result” are useful, but make sure each one shows the exact link between ideas. Add simple links such as “for this reason”, “also”, and “in this case” where needed.
task response
You give a clear opinion and do not simply repeat both sides. You also answer the question about other ways, such as human cells and computer simulation.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly shows the two sides and your own view. The final paragraph also returns to your main point and gives a clear close.
coherence and cohesion
The body parts stay on the main subject. The first looks at harm and limits, while the second looks at other ways to reduce animal tests.
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