IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiements. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples form your knowledge and experience.

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Introduction
It is often argued that most
experimentation
Use synonyms
 on
animals
Use synonyms
 is bad and should be illegal.
In contrast
Linking Words
, others think that crucial scientific discoveries can be made from animal
experiements
Correct your spelling
experiments
.
While
Linking Words
i
Fix capitalization
I
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 agree that there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 many unnecessary and painful
Use synonyms
experimentation
Check wording
experiments
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 that are being done to vulnerable
animals
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. I believe that
experimentation
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 on
animals
Use synonyms
 can help us to discover
medicine
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 that can cure many patients.
Body paragraph 1
Initially
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,
experimentation
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 on
animals
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 barbaric
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 it hurts the animal physically and mentally. Some
experimentation
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 puts the animal in
cruel
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a cruel
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 environment
and
Punctuation problem
, and
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 the testing some times include sharp items or harfull liquid,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 puts the animal in serious distress.
Government
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The government
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 should put an end to some
experimentation
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 that dont offer a significant benefit to
medicine
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 or science that can help humans.
Therefore
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,
experimentation
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 that has nothing to offer to healthcare should be illegal.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, some animal
experimentation
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have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 a moral reason that mainly
focus
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focuses
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 on creating
medicine
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 that can cure sick individuals.
For instance
Linking Words
, there
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 many
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experimentation
Check wording
experiments
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 that have helped to discover
medicine
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 for people who suffer from serious illness, and it is illegal to experiment on human so the only way to help scientisit to create
medicine
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 for us it to let them test on
animals
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 first before giving it to us.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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 it is known that there is some
experimentation
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 that does not offer a benefit to people, I believe that animal testing is important for us to make
cure
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a cure
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 for any sort of
illness
Punctuation problem
illness,
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 even though the process is
cruel
Punctuation problem
cruel,
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 we
are in
Verb problem
apply
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need to do it
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
before handing it to a sick person.

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task response
Give a clear answer to both parts. You explain when animal testing may be used, but you do not answer the question about other ways. Add a full part on other ways, such as cell tests, computer tests, and tests with human cells.
task response
Make your main view more exact. Say that animal tests should be used only when there is no other safe way, when the test may save lives, and when pain is kept as low as possible.
task response
Use one real and clear example. For example, you could explain that new drugs are first checked in cells and computer models, and animal tests may be used only before tests with people.
task response
Develop each point more. In the first body part, explain why tests for make-up or other non-medical goods should not be allowed. In the second, explain why a new drug must be checked for safety before people use it.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an end. However, some ideas are repeated. Plan one main idea for each part: harm and limits in one part, medical need and other ways in the next.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear link words to show the path of your ideas: 'First', 'For this reason', 'However', 'For example', and 'In the end'. Do not use 'Initially' when you are not talking about time.
coherence and cohesion
Keep the same word for the main topic. Use 'animal testing' or 'animal experiments' each time. This will make the essay easier to read.
coherence and cohesion
Make sentences more direct. For example: 'The government should ban tests that do not help medicine or science.' This is clearer than a long sentence with many ideas.
task response
You give a clear main view: animal testing can be allowed when it may help make drugs and save sick people.
task response
You also show that some tests cause pain and should not be allowed. This gives your answer two sides.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has an introduction, two body parts, and a conclusion, so the reader can follow your main line.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as 'In contrast', 'On the other hand', and 'In conclusion' help show the move between your ideas.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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