Extending average working days improves country's economy, but it also negatively impacts society. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

In many nations, longer average working
hours
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are often associated with greater economic
success
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, but they can
also
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result in detrimental social impacts. I firmly agree with
this
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view, as the economic advantages gained from extended working
hours
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often come at the cost of individual well-being and social cohesion. Longer working
hours
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contribute significantly to a country's economic growth. When people work more
hours
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, they produce more goods and services.
For instance
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, countries like Japan and South Korea, known for their long working
hours
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, have achieved remarkable economic growth and are considered major global economic centres.
This
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increase in productivity and economic output demonstrates how extended working
hours
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can drive economic
success
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.
Consequently
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, a longer working time can indeed enhance a country's economic performance.
However
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, the social consequences of prolonged working
hours
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are profoundly negative. Extended working
hours
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can lead to a poor work-life balance, causing stress and health issues among workers,
also
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severe health impacts of excessive working
hours
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might appear in the long term as well.
Additionally
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, long working
hours
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leave little time for family and social activities, leading to weakened family bonds and social isolation. These adverse effects on individuals' health and social lives show the significant social problems associated with longer working
hours
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.
Therefore
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,
while
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long working
hours
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may foster economic
success
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, they undeniably result in detrimental social consequences. In conclusion, I agree that countries with longer average working
hours
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may experience greater economic
success
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but
also
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face serious social issues.

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Grammar
Make small grammar changes to avoid errors and keep ideas clear.
Lexical
Use words from the top 100 list when you can, to keep speech simple and clear.
Ideas
Add more facts or number to back up points, like data on hours or health.
Structure
Clear view and strong stance on the topic.
Cohesion
Good use of linking words to show contrast and order.
Content
Examples from real countries to support points.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

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Linking words for giving examples:

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  • to illustrate this
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  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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