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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

nformation technology enables many people to do their work outside their workplace (e.g. at home, when travelling, etc.). Do the benefits of this mobility outweigh the disadvantages?

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In the modern era, many jobs are done out of the workspace by the internet.Despite some of the drawbacks of
this
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 method, I'm one of its proponents and I think it can benefit us in several ways which I'm going to explain more about.
To begin
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 with, advocates of working out of office tout its many advantages.
While
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 working,the family of employees may confront some problems and difficulties which can't be solved without the father or mother of the family. So, they might leave the office and it can disrupt the plans of their company. But, with the new technologies, they can help their families and be a disciplined worker, as well.
Additionally
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, particularly in developing countries, individuals spend most of their
time
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 at their offices, working.
Therefore
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, most of their children suffer from a lack of leisure
time
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 with their parents and spending
time
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 together. Yet, technology can help these folks to spend more
time
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 with their families and balance their work and personal lives.
For instance
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, after my dad left his job and took an online one in a reputable IT company, he could be with us more than before and even some days we played together all day.
On the other hand
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, the issue of online working has some critics. People in the work environment deal with various types of customers and sometimes chat with their colleagues which makes them more social and more patient.
Hence
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, online jobs can eliminate
this
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 positive point of work and make employees more alone.
Besides
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 loneliness, electronic devices like laptops and tablets can damage the body and increase the risk of some dangerous diseases like obesity and diabetes.
For example
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, the blue light that electronic screens release can impair vision and disrupt the sleep of users in the long term.
To conclude
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, online working is an inevitable part of the future which I think can bring a lot of benefits for workers.
Nevertheless
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, we shouldn't let it replace meeting with co-workers and friends and ought to hold our relationship strong.

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction adequately paraphrases the prompt and clearly presents your overall argument or position in a thesis statement. Consider presenting both sides of the argument briefly in the introduction to set the stage for the discussion.
task achievement
In your conclusion, make sure to summarize the main points of your argument. Reinforce your thesis by restating how the discussion supports your viewpoint, but avoid introducing new ideas.
coherence cohesion
Strengthen the logical flow between paragraphs by using a variety of cohesive devices like transition words and phrases to show the relationship between ideas.
coherence cohesion
Develop your main points by expanding on your arguments with more complex and varied sentences. Show the examiner a range of grammatical structures and vocabulary.
task achievement
Support your main points with clear, specific, and relevant examples. However, also ensure those examples are fully explained and linked back to the central argument for a stronger impact.
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