IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Question: Customs and traditional ways of behaving are not suitable for the modern world and should be eradicated. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
In recent years, the issue of not keeping
traditions
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 and cultural customs has become a subject of considerable debate.
While
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 some people argue that traditional cultures should not be eliminated, I firmly believe that cultural
traditions
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 should be preserved, mainly because they help maintain cultural identity and strengthen social relationships.
Body paragraph 1
One of the most compelling reasons for supporting
this
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 perspective is that cultural values should be protected.
This
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 is particularly important because
this
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 is how younger
generations
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 can connect to their backgrounds and develop cultural understanding, which can foster a sense of belonging in younger
generations
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.
For example
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, when parents and grandparents celebrate traditional festivals
such
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 as Diwali, children get curious to know
what
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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the background of
this
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 festival
is
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.
This
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 helps develop a sense of connection to their culture. Wearing traditional clothes and enjoying ethnic dishes during these celebrations can
further
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 strengthen
this
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 connection.
As a result
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, it is reasonable
to conclude
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 that it is important to pass down traditional cultures to future
generations
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 to preserve cultural identity.
Body paragraph 2
Another equally important consideration is that traditional customs contribute to strengthening social relationships.
Although
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 some people may argue that ancient customs should be eliminated,
this
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 view overlooks the fact that these cultural practices will help bring families and societies together.
For example
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, Christmas serves as a prime example of a traditional celebration where family members sit together, dance, eat and share their feelings and emotions.
Therefore
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, the importance of keeping these
traditions
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 alive should not be underestimated.
However
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, there are certain outdated
traditions
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 that could be considered for elimination.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 some old traditional practices should be discontinued, I remain convinced that it is crucial to prevent the erosion of cultural identity and foster social harmony. Passing on these cultural
traditions
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 to younger
generations
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 would be the most sensible approach.

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task response
Your view is clear: most customs should stay, but some old ones should end. To make your answer stronger, say more about which customs are harmful or not fit for life today. Give one clear example, such as customs that limit women or treat some groups badly.
task response
Your main ideas are relevant and supported by examples of Diwali and Christmas. You could add a little more detail about how these events help people in daily life, not only during the event itself.
task response
Be more exact with your terms. “Traditional cultures” is very broad. Use “customs”, “festivals”, or “family practices” when you mean these things.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear order: introduction, two main parts, and conclusion. Each main part has one key idea and an example, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Some links are used too often, such as “This is particularly important because this is how”. Use shorter, more direct links. For example: “This allows young people to learn about their past.”
coherence and cohesion
Make the link between the second main part and your small opposite view clearer. After saying that customs bring people together, explain why only harmful customs should end. This will make your position feel more balanced.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same words too much, especially “traditional”, “cultural”, and “connection”. You can use simple alternatives such as “old practices”, “shared past”, “roots”, and “family ties”.
task response
You answer the question directly and keep the same view from start to finish.
task response
The examples of Diwali and Christmas are relevant and help show how customs can build identity and bring people together.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction clearly states two main reasons, and the body paragraphs follow those reasons well.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion returns to your main view and also includes the important point that harmful old practices may need to stop.
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