Countries with a long average working time are more economically successful, but they are also likely to suffer from negative social consequences. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?
Nowadays,many countries
request
Verb problem
require
people
who work
for a long average working time
to improve the economy more effectively.Although
I agree that working for a long time
may help a company or enterprise
improve performance, the employees could be more stressed during work
,so this
phenomenon that the enterprise
as well as
the government should take heed of.
In the first place, a long average working time
of advantage that could improve the
productivity. Correct article usage
apply
For example
,people
usually work
eight hours during a day,but factory doesn’t achieve the production output,they should extend the working time
to finish it,there is no denying that growing up for a longer time
can complete the plan,mission and customer demand，also
the consumer will trust the company’s ability.Secondly
,the long length of working time
has achieved bigger innovation, exemplifying my viewpoints,while
creating a new idea,the engineer or manager needs a lot of time
to research, so have more time
,they can make full use of all the team to finish the new product,it is beneficial to the enterprise
and make the country more competitive.
However
,under the rapid development of the economy, long average working time
would exert negative effects on workers.Meanwhile,workers have to be functioning incessantly for extended hours,which contributes to both physical and mental fatigue can not achieve a work
-life balance,not only the goal will fall short of company expectations,but also
may
cause employees to leave the company.Owing to Verb problem
apply
this
influence,it will not have a competitive edge over other countries and people
will not attend public activities because they are so tired.
In conclusion, a long average working time
in a country for society or enterprise
could have a variety of advantages or disadvantages.Although
long work
time
can increase productivity, it could have serious repercussions for society,therefore
the proper work
time
is good for people
to enjoy life, countries increase competitively to another country.Submitted by a0953957266 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Task Response
The essay does address both the economic benefits and the social consequences of long working hours, which is key to the task. However, the balance between the two could be more evenly discussed. Spend more time exploring both sides with more depth to enhance the essay's comprehensiveness.
Coherence and Cohesion
The logical flow of your ideas could be improved. Try to clearly distinguish between points and support each point with examples or evidence consistently.
Task Response
To achieve a higher score, make sure examples are specific and directly support the points being made. This will make your arguments more persuasive and relatable to the task.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which frames the discussion well.
Task Achievement
There is a recognition of the dual nature of long working hours (economic success vs. social consequences), which shows an understanding of the complexity of the topic.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.