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Band 4.5

Nowadays, many couples decide to have children later in their life. What are the reasons? What are the effects on society and individuals?

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Introduction
Most couples in today's
society
Use synonyms
 decide to start their
families
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 later in
life
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.
This
Linking Words
 decision can be based on many issues
including
Punctuation problem
, including
show examples
 high living costs and pressure on
women
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 to support household bills. In consequence, we can testify
older
Correct word choice
that older
show examples
 parents raising
children
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 and a significant reduction
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the number of
children
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 being born. In
this
Linking Words
 essay, I will give some examples of reasons and consequences of mature parenting in today's modern
society
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.
Body paragraph 1
Most couples are planning to have
kids
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 later in
life
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as a consequence
Linking Words
 of the high cost of living.
For example
Linking Words
, even with both members of the household working, the high cost of houses and
rental
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rentals
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,
as well as
Linking Words
 bills and other demands, plays a significant role in pressuring
women
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 to support household bills.
As a consequence
Linking Words
, most
women
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 can`t afford to
have
Verb problem
take
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 parental leave and stay away from their jobs to have a baby.
Body paragraph 2
As a result
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, older parenting can impact
society
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 as
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
children
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 are being born. With more pressure on
families
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 to afford their living, and
women
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 working now more than years ago,
families
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 that decide to have
kids
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 will
consequently
Linking Words
 decide to have
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
kids
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 in comparison to years ago. If we think that
women
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 are deciding to have
children
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 later in
life
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, fertility can
also
Linking Words
 play a major role in the reduction
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the number of
kids
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 being born.
Conclusion
In conclusion, it can be seen that many couples in today`s
society
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 decide to start their
families
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 later in
life
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 for many different reasons, including high costs and pressure on
women
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 to
perfom
Correct your spelling
perform
 both at home and at the workplace.
As a result
Linking Words
 of the cost of living,
less
Correct determiner usage
fewer
show examples
children
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 are being born, impacting
significantly the
Correct word order
society significantly
show examples
society
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 for years to come.

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task response
Answer all parts more fully. You explain why couples wait, but the effects on people are very short. Add effects for parents and children, such as less time with grandparents, health problems in later pregnancy, or more money and work skills for older parents.
task response
Develop each main idea. Explain how high living costs lead to waiting, then show a clear result. Your example about rent and bills is useful, but it needs more detail about how this changes a couple’s plan.
task response
Use more than one clear reason. Along with money, you could write about study, career plans, or the wish to find the right partner before having a child.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear beginning, middle, and end. To make the flow better, give each body paragraph one main job: one for reasons, one for effects on society, and one for effects on people.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with clear words, but do not repeat “as a consequence” and “as a result” so often. Use simple links such as “also”, “because”, “therefore”, and “however”.
coherence and cohesion
Make the second body paragraph easier to follow. Start with a direct main idea, then give one society effect and one people effect. This will help the reader see how each point answers the question.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid very long sentences with many ideas. For example, split the sentence about women working, family costs, and having fewer children into two or three short sentences.
task response
You give clear and relevant reasons for waiting to have children, especially high living costs and the need for two incomes.
task response
You include a real effect on society: fewer children being born. This is closely linked to the topic.
coherence and cohesion
The introduction states the main reasons and effects, so the reader can understand the direction of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion returns to the main ideas and gives the essay a clear ending.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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