Some people suggest that sport helps people learn about teamwork, but others say it can encourage them to be too competitive. Discuss both views and give your own opinion?

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Introduction
More and more
people
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think that physical activities can help individuals to work in groups,
while
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other
people
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claim that they would be more competitive. From my perspective, both opinions are equally important for two reasons.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, I would argue that sports these days have the ability to improve social aspects through teamwork. The argument is that active
people
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can solve complicated problems in a short period of time, which leads to achieving challenging objectives.
This
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approach results in many collaborative and good decision makers, ultimately leading to an increase in the number of successful leaders and employees in the country in the short
term
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. A study conducted by the Department of Social Sciences at Melbourne University in 2025 concluded that 75% of productive employees in society were athletes.
Therefore
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, the performance of the social system will be improved
due to
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the presence of
this
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strategy.
Body paragraph 2
Conversely
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, I am convinced that the level of competitiveness generated from
this
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lifestyle is able to deteriorate organisational systems
due to
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the lack of creativity. What I mean is that these
people
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will only focus on how to win, allowing them not to think about creative solutions or other alternatives.
This
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process will increase the number of standard or normal employees, which in turn reduces the number of outstanding organisations in society in the long
term
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.
For instance
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, an employee does not share or ask for a solution to a challenging task in order to receive recognition and praise.
As a result
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, the organisational aspects will deteriorate if that method is taken into account.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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sports make athletic
people
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more collaborative in teamwork in the short
term
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, the competitiveness will make them less creative in the long
term
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.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view. However, make your opinion more direct. Say clearly if sport is mainly good for team work, mainly bad because of competition, or good only when it is managed well.
task response
Explain the link between sport and team work more fully. For example, team sports make players share plans, help each other, and put the team goal before their own goal.
task response
The second main idea is not fully clear. Being competitive does not always mean people have less new ideas. Focus instead on a closer point, such as players becoming selfish, refusing to share, or caring only about winning.
task response
Use examples that show sport directly. Your example about an employee is useful, but add a sport example, such as a player who will not pass the ball because they want praise.
task response
Be careful with the Melbourne University study. If you cannot give a real source and clear details, use a general example instead. Made-up facts can make an idea less strong.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, one paragraph for each view, and an ending. Keep this shape.
coherence and cohesion
Some links between ideas are too broad. For example, the move from sports to national leaders and the whole social system is too big. Stay close to the main question about team work and competition.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences that answer the question. For example: “On the one hand, team sports can teach people to work with others.” Then explain this idea with one or two close examples.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating general words such as “this approach”, “this process”, “this strategy”, and “this lifestyle”. Name the exact idea again, such as “team training” or “the wish to win”.
coherence and cohesion
Your conclusion is short and clear, but it should state your final view more strongly. It should not only repeat the two sides; it should tell the reader which side you support and why.
task response
You answer all parts of the question by looking at team work, competition, and your own view.
task response
Each body paragraph has one main idea, so the reader can follow your points.
coherence and cohesion
The use of “First of all”, “Conversely”, and “In conclusion” helps show the order of your ideas.
coherence and cohesion
The opening gives both sides of the topic, and the ending returns to them in a clear way.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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