IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The top priority of businesses is making money, and they do not need to have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#priority #businesses #money #responsibilities
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It is widely argued that enterprises should prioritize generating
profits
, and they are not required to have public responsibilities.
While
 I accept that
this
 perception is somewhat justifiable, I believe that they should
also
 conduct their business in a socially responsible manner. On the one hand, the efforts of companies to maximize their
profits
 could be beneficial to society as a whole.
Firstly
, the higher the
profits
 earned by enterprises, the more taxes they pay to the
governments
Fix the agreement mistake
government
show examples
.
As a result
, national authorities could have more revenue to invest in key fields,
such
 as education and health care, which could lead to an improvement in the quality of life of the whole community.
Secondly
, by earning huge
profits
, firms could grow their business.
As a result
,
this
 could create new job opportunities within the community, which could allow residents, especially the underprivileged, to stand a greater chance of getting an occupation in those corporations, allowing them to earn a living.
On the other hand
, there are a host of compelling reasons as to why I am convinced that businesses should
also
 shoulder social responsibilities. The first reason is that their activities have negative effects on the environment.
For instance
, if production processes are not controlled properly, they are very likely to give rise to adverse environmental degradation,
such
 as water contamination and air pollution. Another reason is that enterprises should help those who are less fortunate since they have the money to do so.
For example
, major corporations, namely Unilever and Vinamilk, have taken philanthropic actions,
such
 as providing scholarships and giving charitable donations, which could not only help those who are in need financially but
also
 enhance these companies’ public image. In conclusion,
while
 it is irrefutable that making
profits
 is of paramount importance to businesses, I would contend that they should
also
 put effort into fulfilling their social responsibilities.
Submitted by vietnam.rosy.nguyen on

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coherence cohesion
While your essay is well-organized, make sure your main points are always distinct and clear. Avoid repetitive sentence structures to keep it engaging.
task achievement
Although you have well-supported arguments, strive to develop them with a few more specific details or examples for greater depth.
coherence cohesion
Excellent structure with a clear introduction and conclusion that directly address the essay prompt.
task achievement
Well-developed arguments with relevant examples to support your main points.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • profit maximization
  • economic development
  • Corporate Social Responsibility (CSR)
  • shareholders
  • moral obligation
  • reputation
  • customer loyalty
  • sustainable business models
  • accountability
  • ethical practices
  • regulations
  • consumer expectations
  • economic sustainability
  • stakeholders
  • social impact
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