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Band 4.5

Nowadays, majority of people tend to migrate to cities. What are the advantages and disadvantages of living in cities. Discuss both views

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Introduction
There is no denying the fact that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 decide to live in
cities
Use synonyms
.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that living in
cities
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 advantages, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In
this
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 essay, I will analyse
this
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 topic from both points of view.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, living in a city can offer a good life. A person who migrates to a city will notice
a
Correct article usage
apply
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huge differences in many aspects of his/her life. As we know
that
Correct word choice
,
show examples
cities
Use synonyms
 have many facilities, so you can get everything easily.
In addition
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,
people
Use synonyms
 who live in
cities
Use synonyms
 have many job opportunities.
For example
Linking Words
, a person who left his job can find other jobs instantly, because
cities
Use synonyms
 have several companies, and
instituations
Replace the word
institutions
.
As a result
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, you will not be jobless.
Moreover
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, there are
people
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migrate
Correct pronoun usage
who migrate
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 to
cities
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 to start a business, because the consumption in
cities
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 higher than
towns
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in towns
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 or villages.
For instance
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, some
people
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 open
resturants
Correct your spelling
restaurants
 or cafes in
cities
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, because there are many
costumers
Use the right word
customers
show examples
, and
need
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a need
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 for
such
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 projects.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, there are disadvantages
in
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to
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 living in
cities
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. One of the main negatives is noise
,
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;
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cities
Use synonyms
 are very popular of being very noisy.
This
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 can lead to
feel
Wrong verb form
feeling
show examples
 uncomfortable.
Also
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,
cities
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 are crowded, and have a
bad
Correct word choice
lot of
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 traffic
jam
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jams
show examples
. Living in a city can make a person's life very busy, and most of the time is
being
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apply
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spent on
transportations
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transportation
show examples
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, some
people
Use synonyms
 tend to migrate to
cities
Use synonyms
 because they see many advantages of living there. Generally, living in
cities
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 advantages and disadvantages.

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Task response
You discuss both the good and bad sides, but your main view is not clear. State clearly if you think city life is good overall, bad overall, or mixed.
Task response
Develop the bad side more. Explain why noise, crowds, traffic, and long travel time affect people’s health, work, or family life.
Task response
Your good-side ideas are useful: jobs, shops, and business chances. Add one more clear point, such as better schools or health care, and explain it.
Task response
Some examples are too broad. Give a more real example, such as a worker finding work in a hospital, shop, or office, or a small cafe getting many buyers.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main body parts, and an end. Keep this plan, but make each paragraph focus on one main idea at a time.
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words more carefully. Words such as “For example”, “In addition”, and “As a result” are helpful, but make sure the next sentence clearly follows the one before it.
Coherence and cohesion
Avoid changing from “a person” to “you”. Choose one form and keep it through the paragraph. This will make your writing easier to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
The last paragraph only repeats the topic. Sum up the main good and bad points, then give your final view in one clear sentence.
Task response
You answer both parts of the question by giving good points and bad points about city life.
Task response
The examples about work and starting a business fit the topic well.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, a paragraph for good points, a paragraph for bad points, and a conclusion.
Coherence and cohesion
You use clear signpost phrases such as “To begin with”, “On the other hand”, and “In conclusion” to guide the reader.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment opportunities
  • career prospects
  • higher salaries
  • better standard of living
  • public services
  • higher education institutions
  • specialist medical care
  • efficient public transport
  • cultural facilities
  • professional network
  • high cost of living
  • affordable housing
  • traffic congestion
  • long commuting times
  • air pollution
  • noise pollution
  • overcrowded neighbourhoods
  • fast-paced lifestyle
  • green spaces
  • mental well-being
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