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Band 4.5

Nowadays, majority of people tend to migrate to cities. What are the advantages and disadvantages of living in cities. Discuss both views

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Introduction
There is no denying the fact that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 decide to live in
cities
Use synonyms
.
While
Linking Words
 it is a commonly held belief that living in
cities
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 advantages, there is
also
Linking Words
 an argument that opposes it. In
this
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 essay, I will analyse
this
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 topic from both points of view.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, living in a city can offer a good life. A person who migrates to a city will notice
a
Correct article usage
apply
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huge differences in many aspects of his/her life. As we know
that
Correct word choice
,
show examples
cities
Use synonyms
 have many facilities, so you can get everything easily.
In addition
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,
people
Use synonyms
 who live in
cities
Use synonyms
 have many job opportunities.
For example
Linking Words
, a person who left his job can find other jobs instantly, because
cities
Use synonyms
 have several companies, and
instituations
Replace the word
institutions
.
As a result
Linking Words
, you will not be jobless.
Moreover
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, there are
people
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migrate
Correct pronoun usage
who migrate
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 to
cities
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 to start a business, because the consumption in
cities
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
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 higher than
towns
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in towns
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 or villages.
For instance
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, some
people
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 open
resturants
Correct your spelling
restaurants
 or cafes in
cities
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, because there are many
costumers
Use the right word
customers
show examples
, and
need
Add an article
a need
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 for
such
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 projects.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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, there are disadvantages
in
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to
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 living in
cities
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. One of the main negatives is noise
,
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;
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cities
Use synonyms
 are very popular of being very noisy.
This
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 can lead to
feel
Wrong verb form
feeling
show examples
 uncomfortable.
Also
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,
cities
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 are crowded, and have a
bad
Correct word choice
lot of
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 traffic
jam
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jams
show examples
. Living in a city can make a person's life very busy, and most of the time is
being
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apply
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spent on
transportations
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transportation
show examples
.
Conclusion
In conclusion, some
people
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 tend to migrate to
cities
Use synonyms
 because they see many advantages of living there. Generally, living in
cities
Use synonyms
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 advantages and disadvantages.

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task response
You discuss both the good and bad sides, so you answer the main task. However, explain each main point more fully. For example, say how city jobs can help people build a better life, and how noise and traffic can harm daily life.
task response
Make your ideas more clear and full. Your points about jobs, shops, business, noise, and traffic are useful, but some need a reason or a result. Add one or two more clear bad points, such as high house costs or air pollution.
task response
Your examples fit the topic, especially the example about cafes and restaurants. Make examples more exact. For instance, explain that a cafe may do well because many office workers buy food and drinks each day.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, a paragraph for good points, a paragraph for bad points, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make the ending state your main view more clearly.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with more care. Do not use “As we know” before a full sentence. Use simple links such as “This is because”, “For this reason”, “However”, and “As a result” to show how one idea leads to the next.
coherence and cohesion
Keep one main idea in each part. In the first body part, start with jobs and business, then give reasons and an example. In the second body part, separate noise, crowds, and traffic more clearly so the reader can follow your points.
task response
You give both good and bad sides of city life, and your ideas stay on the topic.
task response
You use real and useful examples about finding work and opening a cafe or restaurant.
coherence and cohesion
Your introduction tells the reader that you will discuss both sides.
coherence and cohesion
The body parts are in a sensible order, with good points first and bad points after that.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • employment opportunities
  • career prospects
  • higher salaries
  • better standard of living
  • public services
  • higher education institutions
  • specialist medical care
  • efficient public transport
  • cultural facilities
  • professional network
  • high cost of living
  • affordable housing
  • traffic congestion
  • long commuting times
  • air pollution
  • noise pollution
  • overcrowded neighbourhoods
  • fast-paced lifestyle
  • green spaces
  • mental well-being
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