IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people believe if a police force carries guns, it will encourage the level of violence in the society. To what extent do you agree or disagree.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is hard to deny that
policemen
Use synonyms
 will cause a worse result because of abusing their
guns
Use synonyms
 in some missions, and
such
Linking Words
 a fact leads susceptible people to generate the opinion that
policemen
Use synonyms
 should not use any lethal weapon to control violence.
However
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 a statement suffers from both logical and factual inaccuracies, and it should be examined in detail. As far as feasibility, equality and economics are concerned, I strongly hold that
guns
Use synonyms
 are necessary tools for
police
Use synonyms
 to enforce the state of violence and crime.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, the feasibility of
guns
Use synonyms
 can help
police
Use synonyms
 officers effectively. To be more specific,
policemen
Use synonyms
 can use
guns
Use synonyms
 as a deterrent or response to the target in some risky tasks.
For instance
Linking Words
, considering the offender always suffers from a drug or mental disease, it is difficult to evaluate whether they still have self-awareness.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
guns
Use synonyms
 can quickly create heavy damage to stop
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
further
Linking Words
 action that may influence the safety of surrounding areas and the public.
In addition
Linking Words
, the
police
Use synonyms
 can respond to the reactions of targets to protect themselves from an extremely dangerous adventure.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, a voice arises that many modern pieces of equipment were invented for security or self-defence based on the development of modern techniques, which can partially replace the function of
guns
Use synonyms
. Surprisingly, the
police
Use synonyms
 still prefer traditional
guns
Use synonyms
 rather than new techniques,
such
Linking Words
 as taser
guns
Use synonyms
, since the expensive cost and inconvenience of short-range tools are not ideal enough for emergency situations.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
guns
Use synonyms
 are still the most efficient and cheap choice for most
policemen
Use synonyms
. In a nutshell, I maintain that
police
Use synonyms
 officers should apply firearms in their regular tasks. Certainly, innocent people may be damaged by some mistakes
while
Linking Words
 shooting correct targets.
However
Linking Words
, I believe the financial benefits, universal characteristics, and equivalent between government and society will promote the gun become a suitable and useful accessory for the enforcement department.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively present the essay's thesis and summarizing its key arguments. While present, these could be refined for greater impact.
task achievement
Develop main points with specific supporting examples and explanations to strengthen arguments and provide clear relevance to the thesis. It's important to specifically illustrate how the points made link back to the question.
coherence cohesion
Organize ideas and arguments in a logical manner with clear progression throughout the text. Use a range of cohesive devices appropriately, but be cautious not to overuse them, striking a balance for readability.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • law enforcement
  • escalate
  • deter
  • overreaction
  • perceived safety
  • misuse of power
  • deterrent effect
  • law and order
  • public safety
  • crime prevention
  • civil liberties
  • use of lethal force
  • accountability
  • arms race
  • militarization
  • social fabric
  • statistical evidence
  • cultural attitudes
  • criminal behavior
  • policy implications
What to do next:
Look at other essays: