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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that in the digital age, theatres and cinemas are no longer important as people can watch all the entertainment they want online. Others argue that theatres and cinemas are still important both economically and culturally. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
Nowdays
Correct your spelling
Nowadays
, many
people
Use synonyms
 can watch movies, shows and cartoons online
being at
Change preposition
from
show examples
home
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of going somewhere outside. Because of it, some
people
Use synonyms
 think that
cinemas
Use synonyms
 and
theatres
Use synonyms
 are no longer important.
However
Linking Words
, others believed that these places are still needed for our society and
Add an article
the country
show examples
country
Check wording
country's
show examples
 economy. In my opinion,
cinemas
Use synonyms
 and
theatres
Use synonyms
 are still that important
evef
Correct your spelling
even
 if online watching is
more easy and
Correct word order
easier and more
show examples
 comfortable.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand,
whatching
Correct your spelling
watching
 something on the internet has some benefits. Streaming services like Megogo or Netflix allow
people
Use synonyms
 to watch movies whenever they want and stay at
home
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, not to
going
Wrong verb form
go
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 somewhere.
Linking Words
Also
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Also,
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 tickets to the
cinemas
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 or
theatres
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 can be more expensive than some streaming services, so for
people
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 it is easier to stay at
home
Use synonyms
 and save some money. In fact, today TVs and sound
system
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systems
show examples
 are
gettin
Correct your spelling
getting
 better
making
Punctuation problem
, making
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
watching films more
convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, traditional
cinemas
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 and
theatres
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also
Linking Words
 have their
benefis
Correct your spelling
benefits
 that online watching can not replace.
First,
Linking Words
is that going outside the
home
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 to watch
some
Correct determiner usage
a
show examples
 film or a play is an important social activity.
Also
Linking Words
 share the emotions and atmosphere with other
people
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 in the crowd is better for our mental health than watching alone on the TV.
Second
Punctuation problem
Second,
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 it is
also
Linking Words
 good for our economy. It
is create
Wrong verb form
creates
show examples
 many jobs for
people
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 like actors, ticket staff and others.
Conclusion
In conclusion, watching online is a
convinient
Correct your spelling
convenient
 way
and
Punctuation problem
, and
show examples
 I believe that
cinemas
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 and
theatres
Use synonyms
 are still
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
needed. They bring to
people
Use synonyms
an
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 unique social
expirience
Correct your spelling
experience
, local support and mental health.

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task response
You discuss both views and give your own view. Make your own view stronger by saying clearly why cinemas and theatres will still matter in the future, even when online films are easy to watch.
task response
Give more full support for each main point. For example, explain how theatres help local areas through jobs, food shops, travel, and shows. Explain why a shared event may help people feel less alone.
task response
Use one or two clear examples. You mention Netflix and Megogo well. You could also give an example of a live play or a big film that feels more special on a large screen with other people.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, one view, the other view, and ending. Keep this shape, but make the links between ideas more clear.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one clear main idea. Then add two linked reasons and a short example. This will stop some ideas from feeling too quick or separate.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple linking words in a careful way: 'For example', 'As a result', 'In addition', and 'However'. Do not use too many. Make sure each link shows the real relation between the ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences need clearer form, which can make the ideas hard to follow. For example, write 'People can watch films at home instead of going out' and 'This creates many jobs'.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: online watching, the value of cinemas and theatres, and your own view.
task response
Your points are relevant. Cost and comfort support the online view, while social time and jobs support the other view.
coherence and cohesion
The order of your ideas is easy to follow, and the conclusion returns to your main view.
coherence and cohesion
You use helpful signposts such as 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', 'First', and 'Second'.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • streaming platforms
  • on-demand entertainment
  • watch content at home
  • a wide range of choices
  • affordable subscription
  • convenience and flexibility
  • the shared viewing experience
  • a high-quality sound system
  • live performance
  • a sense of occasion
  • cultural heritage
  • support local artists
  • create employment opportunities
  • boost the local economy
  • attract tourists
  • nearby businesses
  • face financial pressure
  • complement rather than replace
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