IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#money #businesses #responsibilities
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One school of thought holds that
businesses
 should be concerned about society . From my perspective, I agree with
this
 viewpoint.
This
 essay is to shed light on the reasons for the mentioned fact. On the one hand, people believe that
businesses
 do not need to pay attention to social obligations as they have to make money to survive in the comparative world.
Firstly
,
businesses
 spend a huge amount of money covering their operating costs
such
 as worker’s wages and infrastructure fees.
Secondly
, they
also
 need to pay attention to invest in the product's and services qualities. To be more specific, to attract more customers,
businesses
 will spend money on technology, training the workforce and advertisement.
On the other hand
, it is true that
companies
 should take part in social responsibilities to improve social life as they are
unseparated
Correct article usage
an unseparated
show examples
 part of the whole community. In more detail,
companies
 play a crucial role in a country's development.
For example
, the tax which
businesses
 pay will be used to modernize public services
such
 as healthcare or education.
Furthermore
, I believe that
companies
 can make profits if they join local charities because it is a way to advertise their products.
It is clear that
 participating in social projects is a good way for
companies
 to become well-known to people.
For example
, 60% of
businesses
 in Vietnam admitted taking part in fundraising fairs and volunteering helps them sell goods better than advertising
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 some social media.
To sum up
,
while
 some people may say
businesses
 do not need to focus on social activities, I hold a belief that social obligations should be compulsory for
companies
 as it will affect the development of a country.
Submitted by huyentrang712 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay presents a clear stance on the topic and provides solid arguments to support it. However, improving transitions between some paragraphs can further enhance the flow.
task achievement
To achieve a higher band score, delve deeper into the complexity of ideas and provide more detailed examples.
general
Avoid minor grammatical errors and ensure consistency in tense usage for a smoother reading experience.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the overall argument.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported with specific examples, such as the statistics from Vietnam's businesses participating in charitable activities.
task achievement
You have effectively balanced both sides of the argument, making a case for businesses' social responsibilities while acknowledging the necessity of profit-making.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social responsibilities
  • Corporate social responsibility
  • Ethical behavior
  • Societal impact
  • Stakeholders
  • Profit-driven
  • Public perception
  • Environmental sustainability
  • Community development
  • Human rights
  • Workplace safety
  • Altruism
  • Balanced approach
  • Accountability
  • Consumer loyalty
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