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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that children should be allowed to have smartphones from a young age, while others believe this should be restricted. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

7.5 / 9
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Introduction
Some people believe that
children
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 should be allowed to own
smartphones
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 from an early age,
while
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 others argue that access to these devices should be limited.
Although
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smartphones
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 offer certain practical benefits, I believe that their
use
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 by young
children
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 should be restricted, as the risks clearly outweigh the advantages.
Body paragraph 1
Admittedly,
smartphones
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 can be useful for
children
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.
For instance
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, parents can contact their
children
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 at any
time
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 and track their location, which gives families a sense of security, especially when
children
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 travel to school alone.
In addition
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, educational apps can make learning more interactive and engaging.
However
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, these benefits are limited, since most of them can be achieved with a basic phone or with supervised
use
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 of a family computer.
Body paragraph 2
Nevertheless
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, I believe the drawbacks are far more significant. The main reason is that
smartphones
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 are designed to be addictive, and young
children
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 rarely have the self-control to limit their screen
time
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.
For example
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, a child who spends several hours a day on social media or games may neglect homework, sleep less and spend less
time
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 playing with friends.
As a result
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, excessive phone
use
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 can harm not only their academic performance but
also
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 their social development and mental health.
Moreover
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,
children
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 with unrestricted access may be exposed to inappropriate content or cyberbullying, which they are often unable to recognise or report to adults.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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smartphones
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 can provide safety and some educational value, I believe
children
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’s access to them should be restricted until they are mature enough to
use
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 them responsibly. Parents and schools should
therefore
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 introduce clear rules on screen
time
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 rather than banning technology completely.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give a clear view. To make your view even stronger, say more about what “restricted” means, such as no social media, set time limits, or use only with a parent nearby.
task response
Your main points are clear and well explained. You could add one more real-life example of safe phone use for learning or for contact with parents.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and a clear end. Each paragraph has one main idea, so it is easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
You use linking words well, such as “For instance”, “In addition”, “However”, “As a result”, and “Moreover”. To make the flow even smoother, use a few simpler links too, such as “Also” and “Because”, and avoid using too many links in one paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
The last paragraph matches your main view well. You could make the link to the first paragraph even clearer by repeating the idea that safety and learning are useful, but need clear limits.
task response
You answer every part of the question: you explain why some people support phones for children, why others want limits, and what you think.
task response
Your ideas are relevant and clear. The points about sleep, school work, friends, unsafe content, and bullying directly support your view.
coherence and cohesion
The order of ideas is strong: benefits first, then risks, then a balanced final view.
coherence and cohesion
Your examples fit each point well, especially the example of a child spending too much time on games or social media.
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