IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some countries have introduced laws to limit working hours for employees. Why are these laws introduced? Do you think they are a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays, most countries are creating new laws to limit office
hours
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 for employees. I firmly believe the main reason for
this
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 new policy is related to the healthy level of the employees, which brings positive impact for them. Having the exact working
hours
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, most worker will have time to maintain their health.
Moreover
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, after office
hours
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, they have leisure time to choose another activity to take care of their health,
such
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 as going to the gym, running, or getting early sleep time.
However
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, some people prefer to hang out with their friends to release their stress from office duties.
For example
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, the majority of workers in France are against discussing anything related to their job
in
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on
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 their weekend holiday, to prevent themself from stress and anxiety.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 law is an effective way to solve demographic issues in developed countries because individuals prefer to achieve high salaries
instead
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 of making a family, which is why the birth
rate
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 has a decreasing
rate
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 in these nations. To illustrate,
according to
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 a recent study, the birth
rate
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 in Japan in 2024 decreased not as significantly as in 2019, so on average
instead
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 of only one child per family five years ago, and now there are two.
Therefore
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, a working limit is one of the best ways to give people the freedom to create families. In conclusion, limiting work
hours
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 for employees will have positive effects on their health. Other than that,
this
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 law will make it possible to increase the birth
rate
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 in a particular city.

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task response
The introduction states the main reason for the laws but could be clearer about the opposing viewpoint. A more balanced outline in the introduction would help set the stage for your arguments.
coherence and cohesion
The transition between paragraphs could be smoother. Use linking phrases to better connect ideas and sections. For example, adding phrases like 'On the other hand' or 'Additionally' can enhance the flow.
task response
While you present examples, they could be more directly related to the argument you are making about the health benefits. Connect examples back to your main ideas more explicitly to strengthen the argument.
task response
Expanding on the second point regarding demographic issues could add depth. Explain how decreasing birth rates relate to employee satisfaction to directly connect it with the original topic.
task response
The essay presents a clear opinion on the positive impacts of limiting working hours, highlighting health benefits and demographic solutions.
coherence and cohesion
You have structured your paragraphs around distinct themes, which allows the reader to follow your argumentation reasonably well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • 1. Burnout
  • 2. Work-life balance
  • 3. Productivity
  • 4. Diminishing returns
  • 5. Ethical responsibility
  • 6. Exploitation
  • 7. Fair labor practices
  • 8. Chronic illnesses
  • 9. Job creation
  • 10. Unemployment rates
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