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Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Many customs and traditional ways of behavior are no longer relevant to modern life and not worth keeping. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
There is no denying the fact that modern life has changed how
people
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 see
traditions
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.
While
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 it is a commonly held belief that customs and traditional
ways
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 of
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behavior
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behaviour
show examples
 are not important now, there is
also
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 an argument that opposes it. In
this
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 essay, I will analyse
this
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 topic and express my opinion.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with, I totally disagree that
people
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do
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apply
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no
need
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longer need
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anymore
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apply
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the old
ways
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 of
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behavior
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behaviour
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 and customs. The
traditions
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 are the main
way
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 to reflect who we are exactly. It is an identity that
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 us different from others, so we should be very proud of.
Moreover
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, traditional
ways
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 of
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behavior
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behaviour
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 distinguish every country from
other
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others
.
For instance
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, in Saudi Arabia, we still have the same
way
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 of
greetings
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greeting
 and welcoming
the
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apply
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guests, which
used
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is used
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 by old generations. Even though
,
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apply
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 a person who does not welcome his guests in
this
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way
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, we see it
a
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as a
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very
starange
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strange
 behaviour.
Also
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, Saudi
people
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 wear clothes that
actually
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are actually
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 traditional
but
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, but
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 we see it as a part of Saudi identity.
Body paragraph 2
Another point to consider is that some
people
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especially
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, especially
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young
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the young
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generation
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generation,
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 are being affected by new trends that
encouarge
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encourage
 them to
adapt
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adopt
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 a new identity, and leave old
traditions
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.
As a result
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, they will find some traditional
ways
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 very old
,
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apply
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 and not suitable for modern life.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I tend to believe that everyone should be proud of his/her
traditions
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such
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, such
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 as customs and traditional
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behavior
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behaviour
show examples
. You can live a modern life in a
way
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 that suits you.

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task response
State your view more clearly in the first paragraph. Say that you disagree because some customs give people a sense of who they are, but some old ways may change when they cause harm or do not fit life today.
task response
Develop both main points more fully. Your first point about identity is clear, but explain why this matters to people and to a country. Your second point mainly says what young people do; add why this does or does not mean traditions should end.
task response
Use one clear example and explain it. The Saudi greeting example is useful. Explain how it helps guests feel welcome and keeps a shared way of life.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two body paragraphs, and an ending. Make the link between the two body paragraphs clearer. For example: “However, this does not mean that every old custom should stay the same.”
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main idea. In the second body paragraph, add a clear main sentence that links new trends to your opinion about keeping customs.
coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “To begin with”, “Moreover”, “For instance”, and “In conclusion” work well, but do not use too many. Make sure each link shows the real relation between ideas.
language use
Check common grammar forms: “people do not need”, “traditions are”, “identity that makes”, “from others”, “which was used”, and “traditional clothes”. Also check spelling, such as “strange” and “encourage”.
task response
You give a clear overall view: traditions and customs are important and should be kept.
task response
The example of greetings, guests, and clothes in Saudi Arabia is relevant and helps show your point.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, main paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence and cohesion
You use clear signposts such as “To begin with”, “For instance”, and “In conclusion” to guide the reader.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • hinder progress
  • social mobility
  • intrinsic value
  • cultural touchstones
  • upbringing
  • sense of identity
  • continuity
  • moral and ethical values
  • quaint
  • foster a sense of community
  • outdated
  • intrinsic
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