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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people argue higher taxes should be collected from industries causing higher than industrial pollution, whereas other argue there are better ways to deal it. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Introduction
More and more
people
Use synonyms
 think that any facility that generates a large amount of pollution should be highly taxed,
while
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 some
people
Use synonyms
 prefer to find other alternatives. From my perspective, the former opinion is more important for one reason.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, I would argue that high taxes on
such
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 industries have the ability to improve the environmental aspect. The argument is that managers or stakeholders will reduce carbon dioxide emissions, which leads to a decrease in costs.
This
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 approach results in many environmentally friendly companies, ultimately leading to the achievement of the environmental objectives of the country. A study conducted by the Department of Environmental Science at Melbourne University in 2025 concluded that 75% of CO2 emissions were reduced in Australia because of the high industrial taxes.
Therefore
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, the environmental systems will be enhanced
due to
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 the presence of
this
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 strategy.
Body paragraph 2
Conversely
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, some individuals are convinced that raising awareness of the harms of
such
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 processes is a good alternative solution for
this
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 concern. What they mean is that distributing booklets about the damages that have occurred throughout history
due to
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 these gases prevents
people
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 from participating in and buying stocks of the companies that produce harmful gases.
This
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 process will increase the number of educated
people
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 and employees, which in turn improves the environmental aspects of the country.
For instance
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, an employee refused an offer provided by a company that does not comply with environmental regulations.
As a result
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, the performance of the environmental system will increase if that method is taken into account.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
while
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 the economic system was the main reason why the government should impose high taxes on industrial companies, a group of
people
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 claim that raising awareness is a better solution for
this
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 issue.

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Task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view, so you answer all parts of the question. However, make your view more clear in the first paragraph. Say that taxes are the best main way, but other steps can also help.
Task response
Develop each main idea more fully. Explain exactly how a tax makes a firm cut pollution: it can make dirty work cost more, so firms may use cleaner tools or make less waste.
Task response
Be careful with the example about Melbourne University and the exact number. It may seem made up if you cannot show where it came from. A more natural example is to say that a tax on carbon can push factories to use clean energy.
Task response
In the second body paragraph, the link between booklets, people not buying shares, and less pollution is not clear. Focus on a direct link: public learning can make people buy less from dirty firms and ask the state for stronger rules.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: opening, one side, the other side, and ending. Keep this shape, but make the ending match your main view more closely.
Coherence and cohesion
The last paragraph changes the reason for taxes to the economic system, but your first body paragraph is about the environment. Use the same main reason in both places.
Coherence and cohesion
Use clear links between ideas, but do not repeat the same result words too much. Instead of often saying 'environmental aspects' or 'environmental system', use simple words such as 'the environment', 'air', 'water', and 'public health'.
Coherence and cohesion
Some long sentences carry too many ideas. Split them into two short sentences so the reader can follow the cause and result more easily.
Task response
You give a clear opinion and include ideas for both high taxes and public learning.
Task response
Your first body paragraph gives a useful cause-and-result idea: firms may change their work when pollution costs more.
Coherence and cohesion
The body paragraphs each have one main point, which makes the essay easy to follow.
Coherence and cohesion
You use helpful signposts such as 'First of all', 'Conversely', and 'In conclusion' to guide the reader.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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