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Writing Samples
Band 5

In the developed world, average life expactancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society? Suggest some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations

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Introduction
The increasing number of the elderly in society can have negative impacts on
individuals
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 and communities in various ways. One major challenge for
individuals
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 is the
responsibilities
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responsibility
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 for caring
of
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for
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 elder relatives at home. Some of them are sick and require assistance with daily activities, which can lead to higher responsibilities and stress for family members.
Body paragraph 1
In terms of the individual aspect, many older
person
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people
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 suffer from chronic illnesses,
such
Linking Words
 as diabetes and hypertension.
This
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 can put financial difficulties
to
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on
show examples
 their families and more responsibilities for long-term care.
Moreover
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, it can create pressure on healthcare systems, forcing
governments
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 to allocate
large
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a large
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 amount of funding to take care of
this
Linking Words
populations
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population
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instead
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 of
another
Correct determiner usage
other
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 important
sectores
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sectors
,
such
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 as education and infrastructure.
Body paragraph 2
Nevertheless
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, to tackle these problems,
governments
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 and
individuals
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 could work
collaberately
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collaboratively
 to solve
this
Linking Words
 issue in the long term. At an individual level, people should prioritise
healthy
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a healthy
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 lifestyle and exercise regularly as physical activities help them become
healtier
Correct your spelling
healthier
 at
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 young age and prevent developing certain diseases. On top of that, the elderly should prepare financially for retirement.
For example
Linking Words
, they can manage retirement pension carefully and accumulate personal
saving
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savings
 for unexpected situations.
This
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 can reduce the financial burden on their families and maintain greater
independent
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independence
.
Body paragraph 3
As a social level,
governments
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 could consider gradually increasing the retirement age. Elderly
person
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people
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 who are willing to continue working to contribute to
workplace
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the workplace
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 can decrease labour shortage problems. At the same time,
governments
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 should promote healthy campaigns and exercise programs to raise awareness of
active
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the active
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 elderly.
Linking Words
This
Fix the agreement mistake
These
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 initiatives can encourage
elderly
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the elderly
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 to maintain their physical fitness, preserve their
independent
Replace the word
independence,
 and decrease their reliance on family members and
health
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the health
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 care system.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
Linking Words
 there are several challenges associated with ageing populations,
individuals
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 and
governments
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 can take steps together to improve these adverse situations.

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task response
You answer both parts of the task. To improve, give a wider range of problems, such as less tax money, too few workers, and more need for home care.
task response
Explain each idea more fully. For example, show how fewer workers can mean less money for health care and other public needs.
task response
Your measures are useful. Add one clear example of a government plan, such as help for family carers or free health checks for older people.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: problems first, then ways to help, and a short ending. This makes it easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear topic sentences at the start of each paragraph. For example: “Ageing can place a heavy load on families and public services.”
coherence and cohesion
Avoid repeating the same point about family care and health care. Give one paragraph about family costs and another about the wider cost to society.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas more smoothly with simple words such as “As a result”, “For this reason”, “In addition”, and “However”.
task response
You give clear problems for both people and society, including stress for families, long-term care, and pressure on health services.
task response
You suggest practical ways to reduce the problem, such as healthy living, saving for later life, and a higher retirement age.
coherence and cohesion
The main body is well arranged, with separate parts for problems and solutions.
coherence and cohesion
The ending clearly sums up your main message that people and governments should act together.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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