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Writing Samples
Band 5

more and more people no longer read newspaper or watch TV programme to get news. They get news about the world through the internet. Is this a positive or negative development?

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Introduction
Nowadays, numbers of
people
Use synonyms
 who do not follow
Use synonyms
news
Add an article
the news
show examples
 via television channels or newspapers
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 increasing.
Although
Linking Words
 they get
news
Use synonyms
 from the internet.
This
Linking Words
 can be
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 development when those
news
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 followers are likely to face
falce
Correct your spelling
false
news
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.
Then
Linking Words
, they may
take
Verb problem
make
show examples
decisions
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 based on
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
news
Use synonyms
.
Body paragraph 1
To begin
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 with,
people
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 are likely to face some untrue
news
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,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
 if they read
news
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 from unverified
sources
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. Sometimes,
sources
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such
Linking Words
 as social media permit users to create pages.
Then
Linking Words
, those users can share whatever they need through those pages,
if
Correct word choice
whether
show examples
 it is true or false. Unfortunately, other users may see
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
 information by chance. Problems may start from here,
when
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
if
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
news
Use synonyms
 were false,
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 might take some
decisions
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 based on
them
Fix the agreement mistake
it
show examples
. These
decisions
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 can have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
harmful
concequances
Check wording
consequences
show examples
 on those
people
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.
For example
Linking Words
, if someone had seen false
news
Use synonyms
 about weather forecasting, he might have decided
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
not to go to his work.
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 he may avoid important meetings or
loss
Replace the word
lose
money
Use synonyms
 because
his
Change preposition
of his
show examples
 absence from
his
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
work.
Body paragraph 2
Secondly
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,
people
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 may
loss
Replace the word
lose
money
Use synonyms
 from
those
Fix the agreement mistake
that
show examples
 false
news
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also
Linking Words
. Oftentimes,
people
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 may invest their savings or
money
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 in companies. At the same time, those
people
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 may follow
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news
Add an article
the news
show examples
 via social media applications. So, if someone
read
Correct subject-verb agreement
reads
show examples
news
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 via these applications about an
anticepation
Correct your spelling
anticipation
 increase for a specific company, he might invest his
money
Use synonyms
 in
this
Linking Words
 company.
As a result
Linking Words
, if
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
news
Use synonyms
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 wrong and
this
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 company's stocks go down,
this
Linking Words
 person may lose his
money
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. Unlike
,
Punctuation problem
apply
show examples
newspaper
Check wording
newspapers
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 and television channels that may give
people
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news
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 after
ensure
Wrong verb form
ensuring
show examples
 that
they are
Fix the agreement mistake
it is
show examples
 true.
This
Linking Words
 is because they use forecasting technology to predict the weather.
In addition
Linking Words
, they may have financial experts to predict the
stocks
Check wording
stock's
show examples
 ups and downs.
Therefore
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, those
sources
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 are more trustworthy than the internet
sources
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
people
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 who do not follow the
news
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 via trustworthy
sources
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as newspapers and TV channels can face some false
news
Use synonyms
. The problem is that if they
take
Verb problem
make
show examples
decisions
Use synonyms
 based on
these
Fix the agreement mistake
this
show examples
news
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, they may
loss
Replace the word
lose
money
Use synonyms
 if
its
Correct pronoun usage
it's
show examples
 about their investment.
In addition
Linking Words
, they may avoid important meetings if
it is
Fix the agreement mistake
they are
show examples
 about their work. So,
this
Linking Words
 is surely a negative development.

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task response
State your main view more clearly in the first part. Say that this is a negative change because false online news can lead to bad choices.
task response
Keep both main parts closely linked to the question. Your two ideas are clear: false weather news can affect work, and false money news can cause a loss.
task response
Make the example about weather more real and clear. Explain why a person trusts the false post and how this leads to missing work.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear order: first main idea, second main idea, and final part. Keep this order in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple links more carefully. For example: “As a result, people may make bad choices.” Do not use “Then” too often.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because they are too long or repeat the word “news”. Split long sentences into two short ones.
coherence and cohesion
The part about TV and newspapers comes late in the second main part. Put this point near the start of that part, or make it a short third part.
task response
You answer the question directly and give a clear negative view.
task response
You use two useful examples: weather news and company news. These help show the harm of false online news.
coherence and cohesion
The opening, two main parts, and final part make the essay easy to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “For example”, “As a result”, and “In addition” help show links between ideas.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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