IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

Many people believe that social networking sites (such as facebook)have had a huge negative impact on both individuals and society?To what extent do you agree? In the current world, The usage of technology is constantly on the rise.

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Introduction
In
todays
Correct your spelling
today's
 world,
useing
Correct your spelling
using
 social
media
Use synonyms
 applications
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 a
lots
Check wording
lot
show examples
 of advantages
while
Linking Words
 it
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 more disadvantages. Use networking
sites
Use synonyms
percent are
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 increased
than
Correct word choice
compared to
show examples
 the former time. So
it s
Punctuation problem
it's
show examples
 so effective for society and some peoples life.
Body paragraph 1
On the one hand, ı strongly
belive
Correct your spelling
believe
 that social
media
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 and some applications are really useful. Because sometimes it can help for humans life.
For example
Linking Words
 population generally hear news
in facebook
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on Facebook
show examples
 and other social
media
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or
Punctuation problem
, or
show examples
 we hear about important events for
people
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.
For instance
Linking Words
, some
people
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 need to
do
Verb problem
use
show examples
network
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 and social
media
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 applications provides for met between
Use synonyms
people's
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people
show examples
. So
network
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sites
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 can make life
more
Rephrase
apply
show examples
easier.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
Linking Words
, the other
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people
Check wording
people's
show examples
 opinion is that
network
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sites
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 have lots of disadvantages. İn todays world
social
Punctuation problem
, social
show examples
media
Use synonyms
 is the most important problem for us because teenagers spend more time on social
media
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 and they can be
obsessive
Replace the word
obsessed
. So
its
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it's
show examples
 sometimes really dangerous for them. The other disadvantage is that children or teenagers use social
media
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 for bad things
Linking Words
for
Punctuation problem
, for
show examples
example
Punctuation problem
example,
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 they can share photos of themself to strangers
so
Punctuation problem
, so
show examples
 adults and some parents should be careful
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their children.
Conclusion
To sum up
Linking Words
, networking
sites
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 are very useful if
approximetally
Correct your spelling
almost
 all
people
Use synonyms
knows
Correct subject-verb agreement
know
show examples
 how to use
Use synonyms
network
Replace the word
networking
sites
Use synonyms
 for good purposes.

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task response
Make your main answer clear in the first paragraph. Say if you agree, disagree, or agree only in part. Your essay says social media has good and bad sides, but it does not clearly say how far you agree that its bad impact is huge.
task response
Give more detail for each main idea. Explain why too much time online can harm young people, such as less sleep, less study time, or less real contact with friends and family.
task response
Use clear and real examples. The point about people sharing photos with strangers is useful, but explain what may happen and how parents can help.
task response
Keep the focus on both people and society. You write mainly about young people. Add one paragraph or more ideas about society, for example false news, online hate, or less face-to-face contact.
coherence and cohesion
Your four-paragraph plan is easy to follow: an opening, two main parts, and an ending. Keep this plan, but make the opening more direct and linked to the question.
coherence and cohesion
Use one clear main idea in each body paragraph. The first body paragraph mixes news, important events, and meeting people. Choose one or two ideas and explain them more fully.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as 'because', 'therefore', 'however', and 'as a result'. Do not use 'for example' many times in the same way.
coherence and cohesion
Make your ending match your main answer. The last paragraph says social media is useful when people use it well, but it should also clearly restate your view about its negative impact.
task response
You discuss both the good and bad sides of social networking sites, and you give ideas about news, meeting people, and risks for young people.
task response
You include an example about sharing photos with strangers. This is linked well to the topic and shows awareness of online safety.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has clear paragraph breaks and uses basic signposts such as 'On the one hand', 'On the other hand', and 'To sum up'.
coherence and cohesion
Most ideas stay on the topic of social networking sites, so the reader can understand the general direction of your essay.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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