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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people say that in the digital age, theatres and cinemas are no longer important as people can watch all the entertainment they want online. Others argue that theatres and cinemas are still important both economically and culturally. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

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Introduction
The development of digital technology has significantly changed the way
people
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access
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entertainment
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.
While
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 some argue that
people
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 can
access
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entertainment
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 through
internet
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the internet
show examples
, making the
less significant of venues
Correct word order
venues less significant
show examples
entertainment
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. Others maintain that theatres and
cinemas
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 remain important for both traditional and economic aspects. In my opinion, even though online
entertainment
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 offers greater convenience,
cinemas
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 and
theaters
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theatres
show examples
 continue to play an important role in
economically
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the economy
 and
culturally
Replace the word
culture
.
Body paragraph 1
One reason why
cinemas
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 are no longer necessary is that watching films on online platforms is now more accessible.
People
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 can watch
movies
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 at their preferred time without having to go to
cinemas
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 that took times. They can
also
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 enjoy the films anywhere, before going to sleep or break during their work.
Moreover
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, online platforms are providing a wide variety of
movies
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.
For
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this
Linking Words
 reason, individuals can
access
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movie
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movies
show examples
 that
no
Verb problem
are no
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 longer available at
cinemas
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.
Additionally
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, the cost for watching online
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 relatively cheaper than watching
movies
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 on-site.
Body paragraph 2
On the other hand
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,
cinemas
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 and
theaters
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theatres
show examples
 still contribute to play an important role in
economic
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the economy
 because they provide employment opportunities for
people
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,
such
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 as
cashier
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cashiers
show examples
,
cleaner
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cleaners
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, and
food-seller
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food-sellers
show examples
.
As a result
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, workers can earn money for their living and daily needs. From
cultural
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a cultural
show examples
 perspective, it creates social experiences. Individuals can meet other
people
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 who has same interests and enjoy a more engaging experience because of
greater
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the greater
show examples
 screen and better quality of the audio.
This
Linking Words
 leads to more memorable experiences.
Furthermore
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, some industries released their stories first at
cinemas
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, so
people
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more
Verb problem
were less
show examples
 likely to
did not
Rephrase
apply
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get the spoiler.
Conclusion
In conclusion,
although
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 online films provide
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
easier
access
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.
Nevertheless
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, offline venue has benefits not only for
movie’s watcher
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movie watchers
show examples
 but
also
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 for workers. Both forms of
entertainment
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 serve different purposes. I would argue that
theaters are
Change the spelling
theatres
show examples
 remain crucial.
The most
Correct determiner usage
Most
show examples
 importantly, watch
movies
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 from legal sources.

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Task response
You discuss both views and give your own view. However, make your opinion more direct in the first and last parts. Say clearly that cinemas and theatres are still important, even if online viewing is easier.
Task response
Develop each main point more fully. For example, explain how cinemas bring money to local areas through food, travel, and nearby shops. For culture, explain that theatres can show local stories, live plays, and new artists.
Task response
Use one clear example for each side. For online viewing, mention a parent watching a film at home after work. For cinemas, mention a new film that people want to see on a large screen with other fans.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part plan: opening, online view, cinema view, and ending. Keep this plan, but make the links between ideas smoother.
Coherence and cohesion
Start each body part with one clear main idea. Then add two or three linked reasons and an example. Some ideas now move too quickly, such as jobs, social time, screen size, and spoilers in the same part.
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words carefully. Do not use both “although” and “nevertheless” in the same sentence. Choose one. Also, make sure each link shows the right meaning.
Coherence and cohesion
Make key words stay the same. Use “cinemas and theatres” rather than changing to “offline venue” or “on-site.” This will make your meaning easier to follow.
Task response
You answer both sides of the question and give a clear general view that online entertainment is easy to use but cinemas and theatres still matter.
Task response
Your points about lower cost, flexible time, jobs, and shared experiences are useful and fit the topic.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because each main view has its own body part.
Coherence and cohesion
You use helpful signposts such as “On the other hand,” “Moreover,” and “In conclusion.”
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • streaming platforms
  • on-demand entertainment
  • watch content at home
  • a wide range of choices
  • affordable subscription
  • convenience and flexibility
  • the shared viewing experience
  • a high-quality sound system
  • live performance
  • a sense of occasion
  • cultural heritage
  • support local artists
  • create employment opportunities
  • boost the local economy
  • attract tourists
  • nearby businesses
  • face financial pressure
  • complement rather than replace
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