IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many offenders commit more crimes after serving their first punishment. Why is this happening, and what measures can be taken to tackle this problem?

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Introduction
A considerable number of criminals who
get
Verb problem
are
show examples
 imprisoned again, after some periods of
punishments
Check wording
punishment
show examples
.
Firstly
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,
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the problems caused by
this
Linking Words
 tendency and
secondly
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 propose some solutions to cope with these issues.
Body paragraph 1
One major issue caused by economic and
pravtical
Correct your spelling
practical
 barriers is that
people
Use synonyms
do
Verb problem
commit
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 burglary or illegal crimes in order to provide money for living.
In other words
Linking Words
, impoverished
people
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 do not have enough access to
have
Verb problem
apply
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financial support and facilities. To provide a case in point, many underprivileged
people
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 may have employment struggles in terms of lack of education and skills,
hausing
Correct your spelling
causing
 instability
due to
Linking Words
 lack of affordable housing. To go
further
Linking Words
, some individuals reside in high-crime
neighborhoods
Change the spelling
neighbourhoods
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, which are known for
its
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their
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 illegal lifestyle.
Additionally
Linking Words
, they can be
drug-addicts
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drug addicts,
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 which
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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 them to
be
Verb problem
apply
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neglect
to
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apply
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a healthy lifestyle.
As a result
Linking Words
,
such
Linking Words
 problems contribute to recidivism among
people
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.
Body paragraph 2
However
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, there are many practical solutions
for
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to
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 eliminate
such
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 tendencies. One effective method would be rehabilitation
centers
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centres
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 for substance users in order to make them sober. To achieve
this
Linking Words
, many medical
centers
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centres
show examples
 can promote their advertisements and attract
people
Use synonyms
 to achieve a balanced and healthy life. A second possible solution might be
,
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apply
show examples
 expanded job opportunities. Governments should increase
a
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the
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 number of chances to have
a
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apply
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sustainable growth for minimizing a number of lawbreakers.
Body paragraph 3
Government
Correct word order
The government should also
show examples
also
Linking Words
 should put illegal and dangerous neighborhoods in supervision.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
, there are many reasons for outlaws to be recidivists in order to make
living
Add an article
a living
show examples
.
However
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, many successful rules can be implemented by authorities
for improving
Wrong verb form
to improve
show examples
.

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task response
Answer the exact question. Explain why people commit crimes again after their first punishment, then give clear ways to stop this. Do not say that these are “problems caused by this tendency,” because the task asks for reasons and measures.
task response
Develop each main idea more fully. For example, explain that some former prisoners cannot get work because of their past, so they may return to crime for money. Then explain how job training and help finding work can reduce this risk.
task response
Use more direct and real examples. Instead of listing many short points, give one clear case: a person leaves prison with no home, no work, and no support, so they may go back to old friends and crime.
task response
Make the solutions more specific. Say who will act, what they will do, and how it will help. For example, the government can fund drug help, work training, and safe housing for people when they leave prison.
coherence and cohesion
Use a clear four-part plan: introduction, reasons, measures, and conclusion. Your second body part is very short, so add enough detail to make the essay more balanced.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. Then explain it, give an example, and show the result. This will make your writing easier to follow.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple, accurate words such as “because,” “therefore,” “for example,” “as a result,” and “however.” Make sure each link shows the right relationship between the ideas.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid adding a new point as a separate short paragraph at the end, such as the point about dangerous areas. Put it in the measures paragraph and explain how it can work.
coherence and cohesion
Make the conclusion clear and complete. Restate the main reasons and the main measures in one or two full sentences. Do not end with an unclear phrase such as “for improving.”
task response
You give relevant reasons, such as lack of work, low income, drug use, and unsafe areas. These are connected to repeat crime.
task response
You suggest useful actions, including drug help, more jobs, and action in unsafe areas.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, so the reader can see your overall plan.
coherence and cohesion
You use some helpful linking words, including “Firstly,” “However,” “Additionally,” and “As a result.”
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • recidivism
  • rehabilitation programs
  • social stigma
  • ex-convicts
  • reintegration
  • support systems
  • mental health issues
  • addiction problems
  • criminal networks
  • incarceration
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