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Writing Samples
Band 7

Many people like to wear fashionable clothes. Why do you think this is the case? Is this a good thing or a bad thing?

7.0 / 9
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Introduction
More and more
people
Use synonyms
 ask why
people
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 are always wearing new and fashionable
clothes
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, and whether it is recommended or important these days. From my perspective, it is crucial for economic and professional reasons.
Body paragraph 1
First of all, I would argue that wearing fashionable
clothes
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 can affect one's outward appearance in a positive way. The argument is that many employees in substantial companies want to have a good appearance to their direct managers in order to get better opportunities or positions.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon will rapidly increase the demand for luxury and attractive
clothes
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. A study conducted by the Department of Social Sciences at Melbourne University in 2025 concluded that 65% of workers in Sydney believe that fashionable
clothes
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 contribute to career success.
Therefore
Linking Words
, the stylish
clothes
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 will be vital
due to
Linking Words
 the presence of
this
Linking Words
 phenomenon.
Body paragraph 2
In addition
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, I am convinced that wearing these types of
clothes
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 will positively affect the economic system. What I mean is that there are a lot of
people
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 who go shopping in order to get approperiate wearings.
This
Linking Words
 process is likely to increase economic activity, which in turn improves the economy in the country.
For instance
Linking Words
, some famous retailers in the market provide offers on uniforms or shoes for office employees or industrial workers.
As a result
Linking Words
, the economic system is likely to be enhanced if that method is taken into account.
Conclusion
In conclusion, a significant number of
people
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 believe that wearing appropriate
clothes
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 is essential for reasons related to career success and the economy.

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Task response
Answer both parts more fully. You explain why people wear fashion clothes, but you do not clearly say if this is mainly a good thing or a bad thing. State your view early and support it in each main part.
Task response
Your first reason is clear: people may want to look good at work. Explain why this can lead to more chances at work, and also note that skill and hard work are more important than clothes.
Task response
Your second reason about the economy is linked to the topic, but it needs more detail. Explain how buying clothes helps shops, jobs, and tax. Also consider the bad side, such as waste, high cost, or pressure to buy new clothes.
Task response
Use examples that are easy to trust. The study about Sydney sounds very exact, but it is not explained. A simple real-life example may work better, such as office workers buying smart clothes for an interview.
Coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, two main parts, and an ending. Keep this shape, but make the start more direct by giving a clear answer to the good-or-bad question.
Coherence and cohesion
Make each main part focus on one point. In the first part, stay with work and career. In the second part, stay with the economy. Add one clear last sentence that links the point back to your view.
Coherence and cohesion
Use linking words with care. “First of all”, “In addition”, “For instance”, and “In conclusion” are useful, but add links that show cause: “because”, “so”, “as a result”, and “however”.
Coherence and cohesion
Some words are not clear or natural, such as “substantial companies”, “appropriate wearings”, and “if that method is taken into account”. Use simple words: “large companies”, “suitable clothes”, and “if people buy these clothes”.
Task response
You give two clear reasons for wearing fashion clothes: work success and help for the economy.
Task response
Your work example is related to the question and shows how clothes may matter in some jobs.
Coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow because it has an introduction, two main parts, and a conclusion.
Coherence and cohesion
You use clear signposts, such as “First of all”, “In addition”, and “In conclusion”, to guide the reader.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • express individuality
  • boost confidence
  • self-esteem
  • social status
  • designer labels
  • cultural icons
  • art and creativity
  • financial strain
  • overspend
  • fast fashion
  • culture of waste
  • economic growth
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