IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some species of animals are almost extinct; and many others seem to be fast approaching a similar risk. What are the reasons for this? What should be done to solve this problem? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
Many animal
species
Use synonyms
 are in the threat of the extinsion because of many
reasons
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Linking Words
while
Punctuation problem
, while
show examples
 other
animasls
Correct your spelling
animals
 are in the
risk
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of it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
 essay is going to discuss the main
reasons
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 and what are the
posible
Correct your spelling
possible
 solutions
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 protecting those
animals
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 before
world
Add an article
the world
show examples
lose
Correct subject-verb agreement
loses
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 them completely.
Body paragraph 1
Extinct
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Extinction
 of animal
species
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are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 affecting the geological system massively. It can be a
caused
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cause
 of the natural
desasters
Correct your spelling
disasters
 in the future.
According to
Linking Words
 the reports,
Mainly
Fix capitalization
mainly
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 many
species
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 have
been
Wrong verb form
apply
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faced
risk
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 beacause lose their natural habitat.
Expancian
Correct your spelling
Expansion
 of developments that
place
Wrong verb form
are placed
show examples
 inside the areas that have not
properly
Verb problem
been properly
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 planned
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 one of the massive
treat
Check wording
threats
show examples
 for them.
Along with
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 that unetical hunting and Natural causes
also
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 become key
reasons
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 for
this
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 issue.
Basically
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Basically,
show examples
 we can see many human activities take place on top
for
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of
show examples
 these
reasons
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.
Body paragraph 2
We must protect those
animals
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because of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 many
reasons
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. Mainly protect the environment
form
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from
show examples
 natural
desasters
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disasters
show examples
 and protect the living
right
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rights
show examples
 of all
animals
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. If any
species
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extinct
Verb problem
becomes extinct
show examples
 from the world
it
Punctuation problem
, it
show examples
 is a massive
challange
Correct your spelling
challenge
 to replace them again in the system. I believe make strict regulations and continues monitorings near the areas that
animals
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 live
help
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helps
show examples
 authorities to protect
animals
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form
Use the right word
from
show examples
 threats.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
Also,
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name protecting
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naming protected
 areas for
animals
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also
Linking Words
 good
moves
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move
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 that can be
take
Wrong verb form
taken
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.
Also
Linking Words
 advocate
people
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to people
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 about the
risk
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Linking Words
also
Correct word choice
, and also
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good
Add an article
a good
show examples
 move that can be
take
Wrong verb form
taken
show examples
.
Conclusion
Finally
Linking Words
,
in
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 modern world has a problem of
lose
Replace the word
loss
 of many
species
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 nearfuture. Because of that their is a
risk
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 of
fall
Add an article
the fall
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 of
all
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
the
natural
Correct word choice
entire natural
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 system.
This
Linking Words
 causes to everyones life deeply. I belive impliment regulations and
make
Wrong verb form
making
show examples
 awareness programmes
Linking Words
also
Verb problem
are also
show examples
 good moves that protect those
animals
Use synonyms
 before they
extinct
Verb problem
become extinct
show examples
.

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task response
You answer both parts: causes and ways to help. However, your ideas need more clear detail. Explain how loss of homes, hunting, and building work lead to the loss of animals.
task response
Use one or two real examples. For example, cutting down forests can harm orangutans, and sea waste can harm turtles. Examples will make your main points more strong.
task response
Some ideas are too general, such as saying that animal loss causes natural disasters. Focus on clear effects, like less food, harm to forests and seas, and changes in the food chain.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has an opening, main parts, and an ending. This gives it a clear basic shape. Make each main paragraph about one main idea only.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear linking words to show the order of your ideas: First, Second, For example, As a result, and Finally. Do not use 'also' many times in one paragraph.
coherence and cohesion
Write full and clear sentences. Some sentences are hard to follow because key words are missing. For example, write 'The expansion of cities threatens animals' homes' rather than a long unclear sentence.
coherence and cohesion
Check word forms and spelling, as these can make your meaning less clear. Examples include 'extinction', 'animals', 'possible', 'expansion', 'threat', 'continuous', and 'implementation'.
task response
You give several important causes, including loss of animal homes, hunting, and human work on land.
task response
You suggest useful actions, such as strict rules, checks near animal homes, safe areas, and public information.
coherence and cohesion
The essay uses separate paragraphs for causes, solutions, and the ending.
coherence and cohesion
Your ending returns to the main problem and repeats the need to act before more animals die out.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • species extinction
  • endangered animals
  • biodiversity
  • habitat loss
  • deforestation
  • urbanization
  • poaching
  • illegal wildlife trade
  • climate change
  • pollution
  • conservation efforts
  • legislation
  • enforcement
  • human overpopulation
  • sustainable development
  • responsible consumption
  • education
  • awareness programs
  • protected areas
  • wildlife reserves
  • international cooperation
  • collaboration
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