IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that children should learn, how to compete, but others think that children shoul be taught to cooperate to become more a useful adult. Express some reasons for both the views and give your opinion :

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Competition and stability cannot co-exist together
, when
Punctuation problem
. When
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 talking about competition, it is like
tug
Add an article
a tug
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 of war
one
Add a semicolon
; one
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 wins
one
Punctuation problem
, one
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 loses
Punctuation problem
. On
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on the other
Linking Words
hand
Punctuation problem
hand,
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 stability is all about staying on a still boat. I agree that some people think that Children should learn
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 how to compete, but others think that Children should be taught to cooperate to become
a
Correct article usage
apply
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more useful
adult
Check wording
adults
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.

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task response
Your answer is much too short. Write a full essay with an opening, two main parts, your own view, and a short end.
task response
Explain both ideas clearly. Say why learning to compete can help children, and why learning to work with others can help them as adults.
task response
Give simple real examples. For example, sport can teach children to try hard, while group work can teach them to share ideas and help others.
task response
Your view is not clear. State which side you support more, or say that both are needed, and explain why.
coherence and cohesion
Your first line does not answer the question well. The question is about competition and working together, not competition and stability.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear paragraph order: opening; reasons for competition; reasons for working together; your view and ending.
coherence and cohesion
Link ideas with simple words such as 'on the one hand', 'on the other hand', 'for example', 'because', and 'in the end'.
coherence and cohesion
Make each sentence complete and easy to follow. Avoid very long ideas in one sentence.
task response
You have noticed that the essay needs to talk about both competition and working with others.
coherence and cohesion
You try to use a link between two sides with 'on the other hand'.
coherence and cohesion
The tug-of-war example shows that you are trying to explain what competition means.
Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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