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Writing Samples
Band 8.5

People should be allowed to continue to work as long as the want to, and not be forced to retire at a particular age such as 60 or 65. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experiences.

8.5 / 9
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Introduction
The question of whether individuals should be required to retire upon reaching a certain
age
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 has become increasingly relevant as life expectancy rises and people remain active for longer. I strongly agree that employees should be allowed to continue working for as long as they wish, provided they remain capable of fulfilling their professional responsibilities.
Body paragraph 1
One compelling reason to abolish mandatory retirement is that older employees possess valuable experience and expertise that younger workers may not yet have acquired. Having spent decades in their respective industries, they often develop an in-depth understanding of complex situations and are better equipped to make informed decisions.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, their continued participation in the workforce facilitates the transfer of institutional knowledge to younger colleagues, benefiting organisations as a whole.
For instance
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, an experienced engineer who has worked on major infrastructure projects may offer practical insights that cannot easily be obtained through formal education alone. Requiring
such
Linking Words
 individuals to retire solely because of their
age
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 would
therefore
Linking Words
 represent an unnecessary loss of human capital.
Body paragraph 2
Another important consideration is financial independence and personal autonomy. Not everyone is financially prepared to retire at 60 or 65, particularly those who have limited savings or significant family responsibilities. Forcing these individuals to leave employment could place considerable strain on their financial well-being.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some people simply find their professions fulfilling and wish to remain intellectually and socially engaged.
Although
Linking Words
 it is reasonable to acknowledge that certain physically demanding occupations may become more challenging with
age
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,
this
Linking Words
 does not justify imposing a universal retirement
age
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.
Instead
Linking Words
, employers should evaluate workers
according to
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 their individual capabilities and performance rather than making assumptions based on their
age
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, I believe that retirement should ultimately be a matter of personal choice. The experience, financial contributions and professional fulfilment that older employees can provide should not be disregarded simply because they have reached an arbitrary
age
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.

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task response
Your view is clear from the start and stays the same to the end. To make the answer even stronger, add one more real or more exact example, such as a worker who stays in a job after 65 and helps train new staff.
task response
You deal well with the other side by noting that hard physical jobs can be difficult for older people. You could add that workers in these jobs may move to lighter work or work fewer hours if they want to stay employed.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow: it has a clear opening, two main body parts, and a clear ending. Keep using this direct plan in future essays.
coherence and cohesion
Your link words, such as 'Furthermore', 'For instance', 'Moreover', and 'Instead', connect ideas well. For a more natural flow, do not use too many formal link words in one paragraph; sometimes a short clear sentence can link ideas just as well.
coherence and cohesion
Each body paragraph has one main point and then explains it. This is very effective. You could make the second paragraph even tighter by putting the money point and the personal choice point into two shorter paragraphs.
task response
You answer the question fully and clearly state that people should choose when to stop work, as long as they can do their job well.
task response
The points about work skill, training younger workers, money needs, and personal happiness are all directly linked to the question.
coherence and cohesion
The first body paragraph moves in a clear order: older workers have skill, this helps young workers, and the engineer example shows why this matters.
coherence and cohesion
The ending clearly repeats your main view without adding a new idea, so the essay feels complete.
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