Many people these days travel far for work or spend more hours working. Does this trend have more sdvantages or disadvantages? What do you think about work-life balance?

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Introduction
There is no denying the fact that many
people
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these days travel long distances for
work
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or spend more
hours
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working.
While
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some
people
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believe that
this
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trend has several advantages, others argue that it has more disadvantages, especially when it comes to
work
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-life
balance
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.
Body paragraph 1
In
this
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essay, I will discuss both points of view and express my opinion.
Body paragraph 2
On the one hand, there are several advantages to
this
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trend. When
people
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spend more
time
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working, they can improve their skills and develop themselves professionally.
In addition
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, they may gain more knowledge by meeting new
people
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during their business trips.
For example
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, someone who travels three
hours
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from home for
work
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may have better job opportunities and earn extra money
in addition
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to their salary.
Body paragraph 3
On the other hand
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, there are some disadvantages to spending more
time
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at
work
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.
People
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should take care of their mental health, as working long
hours
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can cause stress and exhaustion.
Moreover
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, they will have less
time
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to spend with their families. It is
also
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possible that spending too much
time
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at
work
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leads to a poor
work
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-life
balance
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.
For instance
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, family relationships may suffer, especially when
people
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have a lot of
work
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and spend long
hours
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away from home.
Conclusion
In conclusion, there are no easy answers to
this
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question.
However
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, on
balance
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, I believe that the disadvantages outweigh the advantages because spending too much
time
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working can negatively affect family relationships and personal well-being. In my opinion,
people
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should maintain a healthy
work
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-life
balance
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while
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developing their careers.

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task response
State your main view more clearly in the first paragraph. Say at once that you think the bad sides are greater than the good sides.
task response
Give more detail for each main point. For example, explain how long travel can make people tired, cost money, and take time from family life.
task response
Use more real and clear examples. The example about travel and extra money is useful, but explain why this job is better and what the person loses.
task response
Answer the work-life balance question in a fuller way. You can say what people, bosses, and workplaces can do, such as set clear work hours or allow some work from home.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear start, middle, and end. To make it flow better, link each idea more closely to the next one with words such as “as a result”, “because of this”, and “however”.
coherence and cohesion
Keep each paragraph focused on one main idea. In the good-side paragraph, put job growth, new people, and more pay in a clear order and explain each point before moving on.
coherence and cohesion
Avoid general lines such as “There are no easy answers”. Use the last paragraph to restate your view and sum up the two main reasons for it.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you discuss good and bad sides, give your view, and talk about work-life balance.
task response
Your main view is clear in the last paragraph: family life and personal health are more important than extra work time.
coherence and cohesion
The essay is easy to follow. It uses a clear four-part plan: opening, good sides, bad sides, and ending.
coherence and cohesion
Words such as “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “Moreover”, and “For instance” help the reader follow your ideas.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example
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