IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Nowadays anima experiments are widely used to develop new medicines to test the safety of other products. Some people argue that these experiments should be banned because it is morally wrong to cause animal to suffer, while others are in favor of them because of their benefits to humanity. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

4.5 / 9
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Introduction
In the tecnological advanced, animal testing is not
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 uncommon
metod
Correct your spelling
method
 to proof safetiness during
inventing
Replace the word
the invention of
 new
medicine
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medicines
show examples
. By safety
consideration
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considerations
show examples
, companies and
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scientist
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scientists
show examples
 tend to use animal testing to make sure the product is harmless for human but using human testing in
early
Add an article
the early
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 stage will be blamed as
unappropriate
Correct your spelling
inappropriate
 and immoral.
However
Linking Words
, there are some voices
claim
Correct pronoun usage
that claim
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 that animal testing should be abandoned
by the
Change preposition
due to
show examples
 moral
consideration
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considerations
show examples
. They
believes
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believe
show examples
 that anima experiment is
kind
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a kind
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 of animal cruelty. There is a controversial
arguement
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argument
 between
the
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apply
show examples
society about
should we
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whether we should
show examples
 still practise animal testing for developing medicine. In
this
Linking Words
 essay i will provide my point of view and elaborate
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people's
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on people's
show examples
idea
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ideas
show examples
.
Body paragraph 1
Some
people
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claims
Correct subject-verb agreement
claim
show examples
 that animal testing is harming animal rights since there are double standard on animal testing and animal protection
law
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laws
show examples
. Most of the medical
researhes
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researchers
 are not using
anesthesia
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anaesthesia
show examples
 on
animals
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 because they hope they can get
a
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apply
show examples
clearer and
accurate
Rephrase
more accurate
show examples
 data about the function and effectiveness of the medicine.
However
Linking Words
, the experiment may bring
a
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apply
show examples
huge painfulness on animal and sometimes
animal
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animals
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 die because of overdose or other medical errors.
Meanwhile
Add a comma
Meanwhile,
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 the animal protection law
promote
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promotes
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 loving
animals
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 and treating
animal
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animals
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 as a
life
Punctuation problem
life,
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 make the animal rights seems double standard and unfair for testing
animals
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. Even
they
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though they
show examples
 are
also
Linking Words
 on the list of
protection law
Replace the word
protected animals
, the lab
animals
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 can't receive the same treatment as pets and strays. The
unequality
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inequality
 of government is blamed as unpocritical. And
protester
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protesters
show examples
 and
activitiest
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activists
 are still protesting for
animals
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 day by day.
Body paragraph 2
In another
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On the other hand
show examples
side
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,
comapanies
Correct your spelling
companies
 and
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scientist
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scientists
show examples
 have to make sure that the
product
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product's
show examples
 safety before human testing and releasing
to
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it to
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 the market. They cannot risk
human's
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human
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 lives and reputation because of the medical errors. They try to lower the risk on get criticised about human
right
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rights
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 and morality before incidents happen.
Linking Words
Therefore
Punctuation problem
Therefore,
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 they can only test on
animals
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 first to avoid fatal incidents
happen
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happening
show examples
. In fact, during the
covid-19
Capitalize the proper name
COVID-19
show examples
 pandemic, companies and
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scientist
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scientists
show examples
 used
animal
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animals
show examples
 to test the
safetiness
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safety
 of the vaccine. Since they
are
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apply
show examples
lack
of
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the
show examples
 time to have
further
Linking Words
 invention, they have to apply the vaccine on
animals
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 to find out
side
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 effects before human testing. In
this
Linking Words
 harsh situation,
people
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 sacrificed
animal's lifes
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animals' lives
show examples
 to
protecr
Correct your spelling
protect
 human stability and health. It shows animal testing benefits human development.
Body paragraph 3
In my own opinion, anima experiment is a cruel and immoral human activity that only
benefit
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benefits
show examples
 ourselves.
However
Linking Words
, without those
animal
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animals
show examples
, risks on medication, beauty products and
suppliments
Correct your spelling
supplements
 will be increased when the hidden
side
Use synonyms
 effects are not found. So we should feel
respectul
Correct your spelling
respectful
 for
Use synonyms
scientist
Check wording
scientists
show examples
 and
animals
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, and
also
Linking Words
 work on finding
another
Correct determiner usage
other
show examples
 methods to replace animal testing.
Conclusion
To conclude
Linking Words
different thought
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apply
show examples
, the aims of their claims are mostly about morality and rights. It is
a
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 unsolvable problem that
people
Use synonyms
 are still arguing
for
Change preposition
about
show examples
. But
i
Fix capitalization
I
show examples
 trust
people
Use synonyms
 may figure out a solution that both
Use synonyms
side
Check wording
sides
show examples
 can be satisfied.

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task response
You discuss both sides and give your own view. Make your own view more clear from the start, and keep it the same in the last part.
task response
Give one main reason for each side, then explain it with a clear example. The COVID-19 vaccine example is useful, but explain more clearly why animal tests were needed and what was found.
task response
Avoid ideas that are too broad, such as saying the problem cannot be solved. Give a direct plan: use animals only when there is no other safe way, reduce pain, and fund other test methods.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear four-part shape: opening, one side, the other side, and your view. Make the opening shorter because it repeats the same point many times.
coherence and cohesion
Start each body paragraph with one clear main idea. For example: “Those against animal tests say that they cause pain and break animal rights.” Then add support for that idea.
coherence and cohesion
Use simple link words to show the move between ideas: “On the one hand”, “On the other hand”, “For example”, “As a result”, and “In my view”.
coherence and cohesion
Some sentences are hard to follow because they have too many ideas. Split them into short sentences. This will make the meaning much clearer.
language accuracy
Check key word forms and spelling, such as “animal”, “safety”, “method”, “scientists”, “research”, “argument”, “inequality”, and “hypocritical”.
language accuracy
Use plural nouns where needed: “animals”, “companies”, “scientists”, and “experiments”. Also use “an animal experiment” or “animal experiments”, not “anima experiment”.
task response
You answer all parts of the question: you explain why some people want a ban, why others support tests, and you give your own view.
task response
The vaccine example is relevant and helps show the possible benefit of animal testing for human health.
coherence and cohesion
Each main view has its own paragraph, so the reader can follow the two sides easily.
coherence and cohesion
You use a final paragraph to restate your main view and suggest that other methods should be found.
Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sentient beings
  • ethical concerns
  • alternative methods
  • medical breakthroughs
  • humane alternatives
  • significantly reduce
  • implement
  • implications
  • prioritized
  • hindering scientific progress
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